I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS

You know, when your lips explode. Basically there are only four reasons.

1. Too much hot sauce on those wings. The Redbird Inn at the old Busch Stadium had the hottest wings I ever scalded my mouth, including roof, with. Once you left the restaurant, they really started getting hot.

2. Too much colegen, or whatever that stuff is that Julia Roberts popularized years ago to give her skinny upper lip a fuller look. Maybe she should have pumped some of that junk in the lobe of her brain that relates to acting ability.

3. Too much time in the Summer or Winter without lip balm or lipstick. When I first saw a videotape of myself teaching a class, I noticed how much I licked my lips. Not out of nervousness, just a bad habit. Since that time, many moons ago, you usually won't catch me without some kind of lip balm in my pocket. And sometimes my lips still explode like this.

4. Too much bad sleep. After a night of tossing and wild dreams, I've awakened with a taste that indescribable. Something like I've eaten dead badger. Or something like what the Hoff tasted in "Click", a very funny Sandler movie. If I could get to the mirror quickly enough, I'm sure it would reveal blown up lips as well.

There you have it. The only possible reasons for such a picture that come to mind right now.