JUST KEEP IT COOL BOYS, REAL COOL

Why is it that we try to be cool? Even at my age? Even around friends and family?

Just what am I afraid of? They're not going to reject me, no matter what. I mean, they have to accept me.

Am I afraid that if I show them how I truly am that they'll think less of me? Am I afraid if they see the real me, they'll really be disappointed? That they'll think me a hypocrite?

I mean, I'm kinda old. According to some, real old. So why be concerned about image? How much impressing do I do these days? At what point to I just chuck the old image I'm trying to display and just be me?

Therein may lie the problem. I've been somebody else for so long that I don't know the real me. Or maybe I'm just naturally one of those guys who oozes cool. Who could know? What is symptomatic of coolness? Is it simply seeming to be at ease? Seeming to be in the know? in control? at peace with how I am?

I remember having this discussion years ago with an on-again/off-again girlfriend. We never settled it then either. I think it had something to do with the tv show Peyton Place. She thought one of the Harrington brothers cooler than the one I thought cool.

Come to think of it, I think she found another guy (or two) cooler than I. I guess that's why we were on-again/off-again. See. So why do I even try to be cool now when I wasn't even then when it was a lot easier to be cool?