HAVING RABBIT EARS

I didn't want To go. I didn't want to take her. But some of the girls I wanted to take to the dance talked me into taking another. (By the way, it wasn't you, Ruthie; we had a great time at another dance).

I was right. There was just no feeling. No heart. I walked through the high school dance on Cloud 2.

When we moved to AZ, I purchased part of a season ticket plan with our next door neighbor. Great seats. Not so great a team. The next season I purchased fewer season games. Same result. The third year I left my neighbor's seats for better seats with a good church friend. Row 29, two aisle seats, just off to the left of home plate. But it didn't help.

As the song goes, "I was Born a Cardinal Fan," and I'm certain I will die one. Oh, I try to cheer for the Diamondbacks when they don't play the Cardinals, but it's like the high school dance--my heart's not into it with them.

Monday and Tuesday night I went to the ballpark. A nice enough park with the best food Ive ever eaten at a baseball stadium.

As I sat thirty minutes prior to play ball time, I was devouring a Polish sausage when the ubiquitous announcer's voice piped out, "Join the Arizona Diamondbacks in their attempt to rub out spit tobacco." Not real appealing to my culinary tastes as I bit into the mustarded sausage.

"Why doesn't he just add 'Join the Arizona Diamondbacks in support of our new restroom facility behind Section 118 where you can take a ... seat,' " I told my wife.

Who calls it spit tobacco? Who ever went to a store that sells tobacco products and says "I'd like a carton of Chesterfields, a lighter, some breath mints, and throw in a plug or two of spit tobacco while you're at it?" It's called chewing tobacco. Though having never indulged, I think most just keep it in a wad and stick in their jaw or under their lower lip, sucking out the flavorable(?) nicotine. I'd rather the announcer call it sucking tobacco.

Then he and I would agree. Because tobacco sucks. Sometimes having good hearing does, too. In baseball they call that rabbit ears.