MAYBE IF I DIDN'T HEAR SO WELL

I'm not a huge fan of cupcakes. Or pancakes. Or chocolate cake.

What keeps me on the right side of one of those doctors' scales that they keep moving to the right, more to the right, more--to reach that equilibrium of balance is crunchy food.

Apples can't be eaten silently. I love to take a huge chaw of an apple and tear it like a caveman. The other bites are good, but not as good as the snap of the apple as the peal and heart of the apple are torn in tandem.

Potato chips. Was there a better invention? Two days ago, I weened myself. For one day, I fasted--no chips or pretzels. The next day's weigh in disappointed. Notable loss, but not the three pounds I expected. I made up for that yesterday and allowed the scales a day of rest this morning.

"Don't smack your food," I was told when I was a kid. So even in my youth, the sound of eating appealed to me.

So until they can come up with a way to heighten the noise of biting into a brussel sprout, I'm afraid more chip-free days are ahead. Either that or wait for hearing loss to occur with age.