HOW TO TURN A GOOD MEAL SOUR

I love to cook out. Steaks and chops are my specialty. No sauces needed to disguise taste, to cover up a lousy cut of meat. It just takes time, and that's simply the key to good cooking.

So I took my time last night as our 83 degree day with wind was coming to a close. My butterfly pork chops, four on the grill, actually two halved for a meal today, were slowly cooking their way to perfection. Inside the house, a lettuce wedge was awaiting along with an ear of corn and some pistachio based sugar-free/fat free dessert concocted (and connotatively I use that in the best sense of the word) courtesy of my wife.

After a great dinner, we sat down to DBax baseball and NCAA basketball. My Cardinals had already won, Adams was not on last night to interfere with programming for the evening. I love David McCullough, but this Tom Hanks' version of Adams puts me to sleep every night, then when it's time for bed, I'm wide awake thanks to Adams. So I was ready for some sports and flipping back to the sports channels for updates on how The Flying Chaucers, my rotisserie baseball team was doing.

And along come the announcers. Keep in mind that I was a paid (very low) announcer of high school baseball, basketball, and football. Was I any good? Not really. But I knew when to keep my mouth shut. Well, most of the time. But these guys jabber as if they're being paid by the word; thus the windmill picture (well, windbags are hard to find). They chase more rabbit trails than big time hunters. And they don't even broadcast the game. I especially love it when there's a guest announcer who played professionally. The other guy acts as if he has to prove that, yes, he, too played a little college ball or in the minors. That was just the baseball game.

On the basketball game, the announcers had a blow out. 40-12 at one time. So they panic and think people will shut them off. "The biggest comeback ever in the NCAA final four was..." and they almost cheer openly for the Eastern (who else?) team. Which eventually lost by 18 points. "They just expended so much energy trying to catch up..." But when they were trying to catch up only a short time ago, the same announcer said,"I don't think they're expending too much energy, they're just hustling more, getting the loose balls that Kansas got in the first half."

It was enough to make me long for Tom Hanks and Adams. Well, now I'm the one with the hyperbole.