I BEAT HIM UP TODAY

Every morning for the past 10 days. He's announced the morning. That it has arisen. That he has arisen. And that it is time to arise.

For some odd reason, the woodpecker finds our fireplace attractive. I'm not sure what he so loudly drills. He can't reach the heatalator that lines the chimney. It must be some metal wrapped around there.

I'm also not sure why he does it. If it reflects his image as I've heard birds mesmerized looking at the window which mirrors them. And that could just be what he sees, for he doesn't stay all that long. Long enough to awaken me. I don't have to tell my wife also awakened, later and deeper sleeper than I.

One early morning I went outside to see what he was doing. Well, that's not quite right; I knew what he was doing. I guess I just wanted to affirm my assertion. Off he flew as if he knew he had been caught behaving badly.

I'm reminded of a friend who lost a friend by telling the story of how he had stopped a woodpecker from tearing up the siding on his house. He had caught it in a rat trap. Angered, enraged by his actions, his former friend chastised him, dressed him down as we used to say in So Il. Somehow, this animal lover never had the same love for him again.

I've seen rat traps that are sticky pads. Maybe that's what he should have used, though I doubt it would have made any difference to his ex-friend.

As for me, I solved the problem this morning. I beat him up. I captured him and... no I mean I got up before his reveille. That's the only way I want to hurt him. So announce all you want Chanticleer. Just as long as you wait till the sun is up just a little higher in that western sky.