MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE CALLED

I'll offer a few more insights into our Northwestern (how can there be a university in Illinois called that? Oh, it's in the northwestern part of the state. Then why is it not called Northwestern Illinois?) cruise. Then I'll try to be done, though reflections are a funny thing, like dreams.

A few nights ago I had a vivid dream. I was in MTV, I think, trying to get to a football game. On my way there I was buying a can, dented badly, of Sheriff Joe Arapaio coffee. He's our sheriff, the most famous in the country. What his coffee was doing in Illinois, I don't know. If he even has his own brand. With the purchase of coffee, one also received a bag of kibble-like dog food, which my friend Bob Peach mixed with his can of coffee.

He wouldn't listen to me when I told him not to do it, and the salesman assured him it was ok. When we got to the game, it was sold out. They sold us tickets to the old football field where we were ready to sit and watch the game on the other field which we couldn't see.

That's it. I woke up, thoroughly confused as to what it might have meant.

Back to the cruise. A sign posted just outside the city limits of Victoria, Canada, stated "Daytime is for resting: nighttime is for sleeping." I couldn't agree more.

Our tour guide there claimed Victoria was a city for the young and old alike. Or for the newlyweds and nearly deads.

A question the cruise director claimed she was asked was "is the water in the toilets fresh water or salt water?" Her response: "I don't know and there are two reasons why I don't care--Number 1 and Number 2."

Two quotes from Mrs. TQ: "I've eaten so much on this cruise that even my moo moo's tight." With a disclaimer, if she's ever had a moo moo, I've never seen it.

The other came after we had received an invitation from the ship's spa to take part in a seminar on how to flatten the belly. What I hears was "Well, I see they know we're here."

The comedian on the ship was Steve Moris a musician who had opened with The Beach Boys, BJ Thomas, and others. He told the joke about a Chinese man who went to an eye doctor who tells him. "You have a cataract." His response, "No, I have a Rincoln."

We were disembarking we were told to go to a nightclub and wait, but there was no more room so they sent us to the wedding chapel. Along with maybe eight other couples. We sat in the first row where the bride's parents would be. To our left was a box of Kleenexes and an emergency exit. Perfect.