HAMBURGERS I HAVE KNOWN

There comes a time in every man's education a time for reflection, a time for classification. A time for evaluation. A time for hamburgers.

I love Wimpy's line, "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." It's not iambic pentameter, but there is a neat rhythm and accents that allow it to roll off the tongue. Speaking of

Five Guys is a new, to me, chain in the valley that has delicious burgers. Garnishes are unlimited, well at least a lot. The burgers are big, don't order the double, which they don't tell you about. That is, on the menu it is simply advertised as a $4.99 hamburger. You simply won't need it. They will satisfy your desire for grease. So much, that you won't want another one for half a week anyway. Their fries are also quite greasy good. They remind me of American fried potatoes prepared in a skillet only shaped or cut in the form of French fries. They are good. Again, you'll be sated enough not to want to return there for two weeks for their fries.

Other great burgers are In-n-Out, McDonald's angus, Fat Burger, and those cooked out over a gas grill. Another great burger I had once was one in St. Augustine, Florida, when I was 10. Kelly's Bowling Alley in MTV made a great one, too, as did the little burgers at Reabens.

The best all-time though come from the butchered cow, direct from the meat processor to my front door to the grill. Of course with a little garlic salt on top.