BABS AND I KINDA WANTA KNOW WHY

movies are what they are anymore. More precisely, why they aren't. Better that is.

Our (that is my wife and not Streisand) latest three movie experiences On Demand have netted little enjoyment. Inception--well, we lasted 36 minutes into it before turning off the tv and heading to FarmVille. Yep, FV was better. Then we went with Getting Low because of friends' recommendation and a good review. What I saw (because of falling asleep, I missed quite a bit) had a pretty good story line and some good acting by Duvall, but it was so slow, so dry that I was wishing I had the novel instead. Then last evening (how could they pass up The Amazing Race and show country music?) we forked out $4.99 for Social Network, again because of friends' and movie reviewers' suggestions. What they didn't tell us was that the sound was terrible. A pulsating soundtrack drowning out dialogue. I had the same feeling as when a dude pulls up next to me and because of his speaker system in his car, he decides to share his bass loving music with me. His car vibrating. What was the purpose of that in Network? In addition, Zuckerman and Elaine talked so fast and soft that it was hard to discern what they were saying.

So, Mr. Answerman, what's the solution? OK, thanks for asking. Make a movie that tells a story. Try to keep it chronological with a few flashbacks if needed. Have the character enunciate unless they're Brando or Dean, then they don't have to. Keep the bad language out of it. We've all heard it: there's nothing new there. Don't show the sex scenes. Keep them under covers. We can imagine. If you want to use special effects, go for it, but have a purpose and make them somewhat believable. No longer than 2 hours; that's enough. Don't be political: if I want left or right I'll go to MSNBC or FOX.

And, please do something about the sound. I'm not hard hearing, but I'm tired of not hearing.