I NEVER HAD A BARN

Once I laid out some pretty good change for a wooden building to store my lawnmower and unnecessary collectibles. You know, the kinds of things you have no room for, but somehow you think you need. I don't remember the dimensions of the building; I just remember that I paid too much for it.

But if I'd had a barn, I wonder what I'd advertise? Probably whoever would pay me the most. But I'd be a little discerning. For instance no Mail Pouch. I even changed the name of my rotisserie baseball team from the Blazin' Camels to the Flying Chaucers because I wanted nothing to do with encouraging smoking of any kind. Ok, purist, or chewing. Or dipping. Or anything having to do with tobacco. Except for rubbing on bee stings, and even then, there are better products for that relief.

So, I guess I could offer it to Trader Joe's Sumatra Organic coffee which I'm enjoying right now. It is very good. In fact, I prefer it to Starbucks. Or, since I eat popcorn nearly every night, I could offer it, but I'm not so loyal to just one company. Whoever has a sale on 100 calorie microwave packages, that's whom I go with. Or Smuckers low sugar Concord grape jelly: another staple in my diet.

I'd offer my space to My Space, but I only know of it by name. Much like Facebook. But it would be kinda cool to see My Space on my barn.

I'd offer it to sports teams but only the Red Sox, Yanks, Dodgers, and Cubs have enough money to throw around to purchase the space. I wouldn't want my barn to advertise any of them. I think I'd prefer the Mail Pouch.

I know; I could advertise authors. One big sign spouting Read Anything by McCullough, my favorite. But I'd have to have a pretty good sized barn to get all that on there.

I could just have them print a big JESUS on it. But someone beat me to that one. After Florida quarterback Tim Tebow had John 3:16 printed in white into his lampblack strips under his eyes for the national championship game, it was the biggest hit on Google the next day. So I have my answer.

My favorite scripture passage will be advertised on my barn: John 14:6. In great big letters.