SKEETERS

Man, they used to eat me up. I could be sitting with 50 other people and they'd select me.

They maybe weren't as large as this Nomer, but sometimes it felt as if chunks were being taken from me.

I never figured out why I drew them. Now flies I could understand. Just kidding. But I have attracted them, too. As well as the no-see-ems and all other kinds of flyers. Except bees. Somehow they and I get along well. The last time I was stung was because I slapped the bee who was exploring my left thigh. I had fallen asleep by the pool and he was checking me out. But overall, they avoid me.

I'm so glad we have so few bugs out West. Yes, bugs bug me.

Lately I've been drawing chirping birds to a tall tree near where I take my naps outside. While I feel bad about not enjoying their sound, a man's gotta have a nap every (daily) now and then.

So when I need the shut eye, I hoot twice like an owl. I must be convincing because it rarely takes me more than 4 hoots before they are silenced. Yes, birds bug me.

Or am I just getting buggy?