AND SO I YELLED MAYBE TOO LOUDLY, MAYBE TOO LONG

I like the way she can blow a bubble and make her lips/tongue look like a heart. We have some flowers that color. They're called bubblegum petunias, I think. I know the bubblegum part, and I know they need lots of water.

But this is a missive on maltreatment. A friend, a wife/friend and I played Troon North Monument golf course yesterday. It's simply one of the best valley courses with spectacular views. It's moderately cool up there, yet we teed off at 6:51 for a 4-hour round.

Nothing great. At least our golf games were typical. Some good shots, some great shots, some missed putts. Some desert searching for errant shots. Some anger--all mine. And then we came to Number 16. A beautiful but long Par 3. 229 yards to a green that is somewhat sunken into the valley, but against a wind. We needed a good score here, because the next hole is a 470 yard par 4. (Which I 3 putted for a 6.)

But on #16, I chose to hit driver. That distance is a little too long for my 3-wood. I tried to guide or baby my driver and left the clubface open resulting in a glancing blow off a good size boulder two hundred yards below.

When we play, we reserve a floating mulligan to be used at any time during the round. Sometimes, we don't use it, but 75% of the time we do. (I've proposed an unused mulligan gets carried over till the next day, but no one seems to share in that belief.)

I still had my mulligan, declared my use of it and swung again. "Get in the hole," I yelled three times. It echoed in the valley as the ball tracked towards the cup.

After my last hopeful repetitious yell, my wife informed me in a correcting tone, "It's already passed the hole."

I was disheartened. To think that she, always my supporter, could be so mean. Then I thought, "So what would I have done?" Would I have claimed a hole-in-one, because I had used my "legal" mulligan? No, I knew I wouldn't/couldn't although I would have recorded a 1 on the scorecard.

It didn't matter. It didn't go in, though it could have and it was close. 2 1/2 feet passed the cup. And yes, I missed the putt because I didn't read enough break.

No ace, no hole-in-3, no birdie w/ mully. No nothing. Only insult to injury. But I'll make it. I'll survive. But if my wife's with me, maybe I'll only plead twice next time.