STEVE BARTMAN AND PARIS HILTON

How do either of them dererve their 15 minutes? Yet their fame has already far surpassed that time frame. Why and how?

The Bartman. Did he cost the cubbie a World Series appearance? Probably not. But he'll always be blamed for their fall. The cubbies being the cubbies would have found another way to cough it up. Some individuals and teams are just waiting for the other shoe to fall. They can't or shouldn't be able to put an opponent away, so they look for something to hang their loss on. Bartman was more than able to provide that. And if it wasn't Bartman, then it would have been another cubbie fan in the area. Don't forget how many other paws were in the air trying to snag a foul ball that could have been caught by the unsanitary alou near the wall and foul line. So if Bartman, in a state of intellectual thought had realized that he was sitting in the first row of a ballgame being played in his beloved hometown and the foul ball might be able to be caught by a member of his team, and he didn't try to snag it, then it hits off someone else's hands and he's off the hook. No 15 minutes of fame for him. No immortality in the vaults of cubbie history. But being Bartman and a cubbie fan, he's in the annals.

Paris Hilton. What the heck had she ever done before busting (pun intended) onto the scene a few years back? Had anyone ever heard of her before? All I know is, one day she was there and people were talking about her and I had absolutely no clue who she was. I still don't know what she does other than pose for pictures. I know she has a little dog, she likes to party, she's from the hotel Hiltons, and she had a tv show with Nikki Richie (Lionel's daughter, I think), but seriously that is all I know about her. So I'm back to my original question--what had she ever done? But whatever it is, and just like Bartman, she's in the annals.

Now, what would you get if Bartman and Paris hooked up and reproduced? That's easy--a child who would get 30 minutes of fame.