I DIDN'T LEAVE LEVIS; THEY LEFT ME

Walkers and the Mammoth were the two best stores to shop for high schoolers in MTV back when. They were catty cornered from each other which meant easy access and comparable shopping.

They both had a good alteration lady, though Walkers had Fern who was the best. Both had friendly sales clerks and good merchandise for our burg. The Mammoth had the cool pneumatic tube that would take your money and send it to the banker, kind of like Deal or No Deal. That tube was the precursor of the tubes commonly used by banks, even now, but the Mammoth was first with it. It would poof back to you with the correct change and green stamps. Actually, I believe the Mammoth had their own store stamps which meant if you spent about $100, you got $5 off.

Walkers had a monopoly on the Levis brand. For $5 you could purchase a pair. Tack on another 5 and you had a shirt. Lots of us would save our money and get a new pair and shirt about once a month. Of course, the purchase would take place on Saturday morning or afternoon to be shown off that same night.

But then Levis started publicizing the size on the back of the pants. That was no problem for awhile. Just last week my wife found my old gym shorts from Wayne Arnold's Physical Fitness class at MtV Community College. There on the front left leg was my name in the box with MTV CC printed above. "Size 32," she said. No hint of "Wow that was a long time ago," or "Man, have you put on some weight since then."Just "size 32". No admonishment was necessary.

But also no announcement on the back of the jeans a la Levis. At least that tag was on the inside. When you're 32, it's no problem. Once you crack the next 0, it is a big deal. And you don't want to broadcast your failure. So Levis--so long. I should have left you when I couldn't get you for $5 anymore.