YOU READ IT HERE FIRST--WARNING: GLOBAL WETTING

I missed out on claiming I invented the internet. Had I thought of it, well, I don't know. Big Al made a big deal out of Global Warming and won a Nobel Peace Prize or something and finally made it to the White House, which he still seems to think he deserved. I still expect him to run for President in 2008. I just can't see a Clinton co-presidency or a guy named B. Hussein Obama as our President.

But I can't see McCain, Thompson, Huckabee, or Guliani as Prez either. Not that I'm giving the nod to Gore. Not in my lifetime. So, whom do you see occupying the big house on Penn Ave?

Easy. Arizona governor Janet Napilatano. She's been my guv for 6 years and I still honestly can't spell her name. It's close to the Italian ice cream, but that probably suits her as well. Soft. On everything. You see, she doesn't govern. And maybe that's just what our country needs. Someone who does nothing. Kinda a 21st Century Ike.

Oh. our guv does show up for functions, but that's about it. Border control? What border, she asks? Education? Yeah, she's for it. Like all pols, but what does she do? Nothing. Oh, she lit the tree in the capitol rotunda, but she didn't even get that right. She called it a "holiday tree". Now wait a minute. You don't have to be a Christian to know it's a Christmas tree. What does she call the menorah--a "holiday candle"?

Maybe someone like that would be perfect for these times. I wonder if she plays golf?

Now about that Global Wetting. Three days of rain in a row in Phoenix in December is the prediction for this weekend. After over two inches of rain last weekend. Five inches at Horseshoe Lake where a friend of mine was fishing. That's enough for me to declare Global Wetting.

So where's my Prize? Oh, nevermind. I'd have to go to D.C. and get it from Prez Janet. (That's how she campaigned for governor last time against Mr. Munsil who's in my baseball season ticket group--man had he won, we could have had some great seats to see the Diamondbacks.) It wouldn't be worth the effort for me. So, I'm relinquishing my epiphany about Global Wetting. Feel free to claim it as your own idea. But you better be quick about it. You never know who reads my blog.