GOLFING WITH CHAZ

Chaz, a fellow MTV teacher, and I played a lot of golf together in the old days when we would throw towels on our heads and start walking 18 holes in Southern Illinois noon heat and humidity. The bee poster reminded me of one incident.

As we were walking up a long par five at Indian Hills, a swarm of bees was circling like a tornado. They got very close to Chaz who had the misfortune of hitting his second shot into the rough on the right side, disturbing the bees or at least getting in their path. Running uphill with golf clubs strapped over his shoulder was a funny sight. Especially since he was able to avoid them.

A funnier incident occurred at another course, but I wasn't in his group that day. At a short par 3 on the back nine, Chaz heard nature call. He went running (again) with his clubs over his shoulder, jingling and jangling, all the way to the clubhouse. He ran into the lower level clubhouse, feeling good--he had made it. One problem: it was a one-holer and it was occupied. Surveying the situation, he knew his only possiblity was the sink. At some point in time (this was the Watergate era) he knocked the sink away from the wall. It sheered the water pipe causing the water to rush out onto the floor. It frightened the man on the stool, and he came running out to see what the problem was.

Chaz escaped detection that day. Two weeks later, sporting a ball cap pulled down over his head as low as it would go, he returned to the scene where they were still talking about the idiot who decided to use the sink for a purpose other than what it intended for.

SAD BUT TRUE

In an artical in the AZ REP (Arizona Republic) newspaper, a 29 year old sexual predator posed as a 12 year old middle school student and got away with it. It seems he was 5'6'' and weighed 120 pounds. He shaved his body hair every night and wore pancake make up to school.

He did his homework, he didn't do much at recess, but he was enrolled and attended the school. He stood outside the school after class and waited on his ride. He was seen by other teachers and parents, but got away with his new identity. Only when he attempted to enroll in another school was he caught.

He lived with two other male sexual predators. One tried to enroll him in another district and said he was the grandfather. Fortunately, they were nabbed.

And the kicker is--the name of the middle school was IMAGINE. The Arizona city where he attended Imagine School was SURPRISE.

COULD WALT BE SPARKY?

And wouldn't it be ironic that Walt Disney's image in the form of a character or cartoon would live on?

Recently, I've blogged about the U of I's heralded Chief Illiniwek and his unfortunate downfall if not certain demise. The other university that has a Quinn kid alum is Arizona State. So it's time to examine the ASU Sun Devil. And , no, I haven't forgotten the other graduate mascots, the Washington University Bears and University of San Diego Terraros. Maybe another blog.

In 1953, a cartoonist who worked for Disney was asked to create the Sparky logo. It has been said because Mr. Disney was so hard to work for (aren't most perfectionists?), the artist used Walt as his prototype. And Sparky lives on today.

A close examination will reveale the striking similarities of facial features. I don't know if it's true or not, but it is cool.

THE ANSWERS, THEN MY FRIENDS

Two questions from previous blog entries reman unanswered. Until now.

The first is Number Two. Yes, the title of the Picasso piece is Two Faces. Although my favorite was number three with the rolling baby, I actually thought of number two first. Probably because of all the... nevermind. But it is fun to name art works based on first impressions.

The second answer is a little more difficult. What to call the Fighting Illini, now that the Chief has been replaced (or soon will be.) My son, not a champion for political correctness (thank you, Lord) suggested in one of his blogs, The University of Illinois Reagans, after the 40th President . As a slap in the face of the Pc-ers. And as a worthy title for one of the country's best Prez's.

Former fellow teacher Jim Blair suggested simply the Mammals. How can that offend anyone?

Other suggestions range from changing the name of the state--hey we wouldn't want to offend the same group of Native Americans would we? to the University of Illinois Universities, since there are more than one campus in various locales, and if fellow conference member Ohio State can call itself The Ohio State University, then why not go one more step?

Others include Big Orange, Navels, Blue Men/Women Group (since Michigan is already called Blue), Windies, Competitors, Smarts and Riches, White Horses (still a great bar), Cams (another),Granges or Galloping Ghosts ( offensive to the occultists or Gothics, perhaps) Butkus's,(sounds too much like butt kisses) Browns, Lou Do's, (to celebrate the past), Players (offensive to the many thousand co-eds over the years).

So, ok. I don't like any. Maybe just the University of Illinois Mascots. That way, you decide on your own.

A LOT OF NFL FOR ME THIS PAST SUNDAY

It's unusual that I spend so much time watching playoff football when the Rams are not playing. But with some rotten weather for the past weeks in Scottsdale, I've become a football junkie.

Not my wife who wondered outloud why I was watching the NFC Championship Game. You see, I'd shared with her that I liked the Bears coach somewhat, but had trouble forgiving him for going to the Cover 2 defense in the Super Bowl the Rams lost. (98% of all coaches would have done the same thing.) That I didn't like the cities of Chicago or New Orleans. That I didn't like the fact that the Saints coach was a replacement (scab) player, although I'm not crazy about unions either. So whom did I root for? Lovie and the Bears. They weren't the Bears of Jim McMahan, a player that fully disgusted me.

The AFC game was a different story. I wanted the Colts to win so bad. I simply cannot stand the Patriots of Brady and Belichek. It all started with the Rams Super Bowl loss to those scoundrels who held, interferred, got away with murder in the game while Mike Martz went manic and wouldn't give the ball to Marshall. It was also probably the only Super Bowl I'll ever be fortunate enough to attend. So my belly still burns from that. And to top it off, they've won two more since that one. AAUUHH, or something like that Charlie Brown used to say.

So to say the least I was very pleaded to see the Patsies lose, although I would trade another Super Bowl title or two to them for the one they took from the Rams. And for the Super Bowl--no contest: GO COLTS!!

LIKE THE CHIEF, I'LL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER, TOO

Yep, I've given up. As a former educator, I still try to enlighten, try to instill logic and interest and a sense of fair play into my subjects. (Did you, Reader(s) know that's what you are?) Anyway(s), if the University of Illinois, my son's alma, doesn't want any more hassle about Chief Illiniwek, then I don''t either.

Recently, a member of one of the tribes honored by the university demanded his Native American regala returned. In 1982, it seems a family member who was proud of his heritage had given some of his ancestors items to the U of I for the Chief to use. Now, another family member says he wants them all back.

I say give it up. PC has won again. And along the way, they have convinced some Native Americans, or before PC days, Indians that the most honored and revered student at Illinois was the one who was simply Chief Illiniwek. But if that is somehow offensive, and in these days apparently it is, then I say it's time to retire the Chief. Allow the Native Americans to be represented by Chief Wahoo (now that is offensive) or allow the nation's capital to call its football team the Redskins (come on). Allow FSU and the Atlanta Braves to do the tomahawk chop.(again, that's rude)

You say, we're against all of those? Well, then get your priorities in order and go after the real culprits who disgrace, not honor Native Americans. But if you think the Chief denigrates by his halftime dance, then so be it-- retire him. But take care of the more pressing matters first.

THIS IS A CAKE--BELIEVE IT

As much as I like pets, I don't have any myself. Well, I do have three grandcats, but only two have names: Moonlight Graham and Miscellaneous.

But neither gets cake. Although from the looks of this picture, both create the appearance of cake. All I'm reminded of is Bill Murray in Caddyshack in the swimming pool scene. At least I think it was that movie; I know it was Murray.

While I'm not into recipes, I do have one for this cake if you're interested. Just let me know. I, of strong stomach, think I'll pass on this treat.