A PANDA'S NOT A BEAR

And now that you know, it will bother you when someone says, "Oh, look, at the panda bear."

Another oddity is that there are no banana trees in Costa Rica, the number 2 export country of bananas in the world. Actually there are no banana trees in the world. Bananas are the largest herb. That's right, they grow from a root system rather than a tree system which makes them an herb rather than a tree.

At least that's the knowledge they are imparting in the Del Monte banana plantation in Puerto Limon, Costa Rica. After a recent tour there, I learned more about bananas that I have any right to know.

A few other morsels of intellectual stimuli that you may use in your nogginal data base:

bananas grow in 100-pound bunches.

they cover them with blue plastic bags to ward off insects and pesticides.

they are exported only if they have no blemishes at all.

if they do have a spot, they are kept in Costa Rica. The worst spotted ones are fed to cattle.

the banana bloom is a beautiful maroon or burgundy color.

the banana is curved because as it grows, it reaches for the sun.

the banana that we eat is actually its ovaries.

the male portion of the banana is chopped off and discarded.

And you thought this entry was going to be about the panda bear. Oops!

IT'S HERE TO STAY, BABY

I admit going to an old rock 'n roll revival one time in St. Louis. While I may still have the program in the recesses of a long ignored box somewhere in my house, I'm pressed to name one group. I just remember it was a long night.

I also confess to stopping the remote when I hit on a PBS special on Do-Wops. I've even watched an hour or so of one of those shows. Somehow they never brought back many happy memories.

I mean the artists, if you can call rock 'n roll singers artists, are so old. But mainly, the lyrics don't work anymore either. When The Four Seasons ask "Sherry, baby, can you come out tonight?" that's bad. But they continue "you, ooh, ooh ooh, better ask your mama". Now if Sherry is still living with her mama, it may be in an assisted living unit or something. But if she needs to ask her mama if she can go out, well, she has some issues.

Another oldie I recently saw sung (or it could be saw sang, if I remember it's sing, sang/sung, sung) mentioned "you're 16, you're beautiful, and you're mine". "Happy birthday sweet sixteen," it continues. Sung or sang by a sixty-something, well, I'm afraid it didn't work too well. Maybe a tweak in the lyrics would help; I'd suggest "you're 60, you're beautiful and you're mine."

Even The Beatles, well the two that remain, could use some tweaking these days. "She was just 70, if you know what I mean/ and the way she looked was way beyond compare." Again, 17, doesn't get it. Except with a jail sentence.

Tweaking's not all bad. I've watched enough to observe that most can't reach those high notes anymore and have women back up singers carry that load. So my offer for lyric tweaking can't be far behind. But then again, maybe the originals are better and should be left alone. And if we want to enjoy them again, well we all have those old boxed to scour through.

AND THAT'S WHEN IT CAME TO ME

I was watching the results of the nationwide vote for who would be eliminated on the American Idol. The three candidates were not whom I would have chosen. Chikeze (one name only) was sent packing. The other two were an attractive Black woman and a White guy, Jason Castro--wearer of dreadlocks.

I was reminded of a college classmate of mine in 1969. An older Black man, he remarked that he was so proud to see a Black man drinking a Coke in a tv commercial. All his life he had drunk Coke, but he's never seen a Black do the same in a commercial. (These were the 60's remember and he's was making reference to a time earlier in the decade.) It was a matter of pride, of satisfaction. Of finally being recognized as a person of worth.

I've been watching, not with baited breath, the two democratic Presidential candidates scuffle along. I don't like either as faithful reader(s) can imagine. When I hear one of them talk, I think "Oh, the other candidate has to be better." Then I hear him or her, and I think "Wow! They are both terrible."

But what I couldn't understand until the judging on The Idol and the college friend of mine somehow tied it all together is this: Blacks want Obama to win simply because he's Black, or half-Black. We used to use the word Mulatto, but I guess that's not politically correct. So, no matter how bad he may be, it's like that guy drinking the Coke or voting for Chikeze or Sayasha, it validates the race.(Evidently, Blacks didn't call in as much as Whites this week on The American Idol.)

Now gender is another thing. Do women want Hillary just because she's female? Well, that may be an entry for another day.

My solution, and you thought I had no answers, is to vote for McCain and his VP, Condelezza Rice. He's already said he will only serve one term if elected, then slip Condy in there as Prez and voila--you have a Black who's a woman. She adds a ton of experience and intellect to the GOP and the country.

OZZIE AND HARRIET

There wasn't much tv venue aboard the Brilliance of the Sea on our recent Caribbean cruise. Did you know the Caribbean was named after an Indian tribe known as the Caribs? Me neither, and I don't know exactly where they settled, but after Columbus named the Caymans after turtles, the Caribs corrected him and named them after the iguanas that frequent there. But they thought the iguanas were crocodiles or in that family, thus the Caymans. Misnomers all around.

But back to The Nelsons. They were a little before my time. Of course, I knew Ricky by Traveling Man, Teen Idol, and Garden Party. along with a few others. But as for the family, I don't know that I ever watched their tv show. Re-runs allowed me to watch an old fashioned sit com. Hokey? You bet. Dated? Undoubtedly. Enjoyable? Yeah.

It was so good to watch a show free from sexual innuendo. They had a canned laugh track, and it was cued for stuff not very funny. But I didn't have to be embarrassed about the content. In one episode, Ozzie and Ricky were playing in the father/son ping pong tournament at the YMCA. Their main competition was next door neighbor Thorny and, as it turned out, his father. His father rather than his son was playing because Oz had loaned his neighbor's son money to go to a dance, thus increasing his odds at winning.

Oz and Ricky won, but received a miniature trophy, while Thorny and his dad received a huge trophy for finishing second. Thorny explained, "Winning the tournament should have been reward enough, but the second place finishers needed encouragement."

It seems that Thorny was the chairman of the trophy committee. Not great humor, but for the 1950's, it was pretty good. I miss that kind of humor that once was Americana.

Maybe I'll have to take another cruise, just to enjoy good, clean fun. Even if it was sugar-coated.

SPRING BREAK 2008

Our family was accustomed to Spring Break vacations. We only missed one when we were caught by surprise by some taxes that we were going to have to pay. And that was back in the early 70's. So when the calendar said Spring Break, we headed south.

This year, too, we headed south on Spring Break. We only had two to pack for, but we added two more friends from Florida to go cruising for 10 days on the Caribbean.

Our ports of call were Aruba, Panama, Costa Rica, and the Cayman Islands. Not a bad way to go. Yes, we spotted the guy featured in the picture. He is that ugly, too. I was surprised to learn the Panamanians, anyhow, eat iguanas. Of course, according to Luz, our guide on our Panama Canal and Panama City tour, they taste like chicken. Actually, they are prohibited from dining on the blue iguanas since they are close to being endangered if they're not.

As for me, the most exotic thing I ate was salmon. But it was so good, cooked over oak embers. What a great taste. Of course, to some (even in our small group of 4), they might cringe at my eating anchovies on salads and pizza every chance (almost) that I had.

Sand, water, good food, good friends--Spring Break is still good. Even at my age.