LUSCIOUS HANALEI

In Kauai, Hawaii, lies Hanalie Mission. I don't know if it's where Puff lived or not. You know, the Magic Dragon. But it is by the sea, so I'd say there's a good chance.

We ate at a Chart House in Kauai once in 2001 that looked a lot like Hanalei. Actually, they had just lost their charter with Chart House, but they hadn't changed the name or menu. I'm sure they have by now.

We played golf at Kauai Lagoons on the windiest day I've ever played. Scott nearly aced a par three hole but he started his tee shot about a football field left and the wind carried it back near the hole for a tap in birdie. It was probably a four club wind when it was against you and a three club wind when it was across you.

Another strange sight golfing in Hawaii was the chickens on the golf course. Free range no doubt. They were huge and colorful. Also they weren't the least afraid of us. They seemed to come out of nowhere, kinda like wild turkeys in the Midwest.

I've seen lots of different kinds of snakes, a few coyotes, foxes, alligators, swans, herons, geese and ducks galore, hawks, iguanas, lizards, prairie dogs, chipmunks, rabbits, roadrunners--probably my favorites, but only in Hawaii did I spot chickens.

By the way, the guy in the other picture is the devil. In 1957. Two of my semi-regular golf partners are ministers, and they'll tell you that the devil haunts golf courses, too. I haven't seen him. But I've felt his effects. Mysterious things happening to perfectly placed golf shots. Anger arising in me. Thoughts that creep into my being. Losing focus. They're all parts of the devil. He doesn't look like he did in '57. He's wiser now. More experienced.

But you know what? He doesn't win. At least not in the end. I've also been blessed to see the Jezreel Valley where Armageddon will take place. It will be Hanalei and roadrunners for the good guys. The devil will cease to exist. He'll have to take that bad hair style with him, too. Watch out, satan. Or should I say,"Fore!"

WHAT'S MISSING?

It's the killer instinct. The competitive edge. The soul. The heart. Patience. Stamina. Charisma. Chutzpah. No guts: no glory. No inner strength. Inability. Lack of confidence.

A child of the corn? An ectoskeleton? The illustrated man sans tattoos? One of Edward Scissorhands' relatives? A mere shadow of his former self? The Tin Man after a monsoon?

Maybe, he's just not feeling himself. Maybe, he's running on empty. Maybe, he's a poster boy for anorexia. How about a Mr. Machine or an Erector Set creation?

Ok, let's get down to it. Today's entry is for the older readers. If you noticed, I tried to lead you into this entry with the reference to toys of the 50's and 60's.

This guy illustrates what happens if we don't take our daily medicines. I take two pills in the morning--one for high blood pressure and one for allergies. I take two pills at supper time--one for cholesterol and another for high blood pressure. My problem is that sometimes I forget whether or not I've taken my pills. I know that sounds stupid, in fact, I still remember the days that young ladies would miss a birth control pill and get an unwanted pregnancy. I thought,"How dumb can you get?"

Well, it's easy. I even have a pill box with slots for each day of the week. But that's not fool proof because I have to re-load the box in a timely manner, and I don't always take the time.

But no frets. What I've come up with is ingenious. When I take my morning pills, I simply turn the pill bottle upside down. Sure enough, when I reach for my evening pills, I see that the pill bottles are still upright. In the morning, all bottles are upside down. I take my pills and turn the bottles upright again. How simple, how easy to follow. (ok, unless I miss one whole day.)

Follow my simple plan and you won't look or feel like our friend in the picture.

JUST OUT FOR A WALK IN THE PARK

Yet what a revealing picture. I almost said photograph. Well, he does has some of his father's features.

The most revealing is the eyes. The youth is all bright eyed and eager for what awaits him. What explorations, what discoveries he can make. What good times ahead. Endless possibilities there are for him. I'm reminded by that look at the end of the school year. Man, back in the day it seemed like Summer was endless. And no day was better than the first day of Summer. That's what those eyes express to me.

But not for Papa. He knows that danger can occur. Just around the corner. He has to be protective. He has the big shoulders. He's the adult. The one responsible. The one in charge. And he relishes it. Time with his boy. Time to re-live his youth. Yet his is a secure past. He survived the dangers. He may not know what's ahead, but he's comforted by the past.

ee cummings once wrote "old age sticks up signs and youth yanks them down." And that's the difference. Adults warn. Youth are invincible. There's simply no middle ground.

But when you see "The Hippies" win The Amazing Race, then maybe there's a sliver of hope. They were both kids and adults who won one million dollars. They were so funny and seemingly carefree. They beat "The Frat Boys" (thankfully) and "The Daters" although they were never really called that. They would have been the underdogs if not for "The Hippies."
They were tough, fell behind, rallied, quibbled at times, but were never as cool as The Hippies. They were entertaining and put up a good fight.

Not the best tv show, The Amazing Race is reality tv with a bite. Hopefully with a lesson: that while we can't retain that wild-eyed innocence of youth, we don't have to resort to worrisome old age without a battle.

THEY'RE GREAT !! EVEN IN KOREA

One of my grandmothers loved Wheaties. I remember the Bob Richards' boxes. I didn't know who he was till years later, but he seemed to be on the boxes for ages. My other grandmother was a lover of Quaker Oats. That guy on their box hasn't changed in half a century.

I still like both breakfast entrees. Along with an egg McMuffin--the second best sandwich ever invented. (The hamburger is number one and the hot dog three.)
Of course, bacon and eggs and buttered toast and orange juice and coffee are welcomed sites around the breakfast table. And actually, I'm drinking a small glass of clementine juice right now. Clementines are an offshoot of tangerines. They're not fresh squeezed, but hey.

Still, Frosted Flakes are number 1 with me. Caroline eats some healthy cereal from Trader Joes or Wild Oats, but I'll stick to Keloggs for the taste. Don't forget the toys. She never gets a toy with her bran and wheat germ stuff.

Frosted Flakes started having Chicken Little figures. Three boxes netted three figures--all the same. Having three grandchildren, I preferred to have three different ones, but no luck. Before I could eat enough cereal to acquire more figures, they switched to Ice Age II. Six different figures this time. They must have run longer or I ate more, because I accumulated 5 figures. All different. Wow! Talk about Deal or No Deal. But wouldn' t you know it, they switched promotions again, so I couldn't go for the double trifecta.

Cars is now the movie and I got my first one today. I mean I got my first one for the grandkids today. Something called Lightning McQueen. It looks like a good one, since he's featured on the front side of the box. Only 5 more and I'll have the complete set. I want the police car next.

I mean for my grandchildren, of course. That McQueen car does take curves pretty well, though. At least around the cereal bowl.

THE AMERICAN IDOL---THE FINAL 3

I haven't invested in a tivo yet. I haven't mastered the DVD/ video tape machine yet. At least not the DVD part. I've had at least 3 tvs with PIP, but never have programmed them satisfactorily to make use of that technology either. But I'll be taping the Idol tonight while I watching the Diamondback/Padres games at The Chase.

In fact when I leave the game early to catch at least some of the Suns game, I'll still defer my Idol watching. But let's examine the three finalists.

Katharine has a great voice. She better use it tonight or lose it. She's allowed one bad night--see Pickler and Daughtery, but not two. Forgetting lyrics in her first song last week and completely running out of air in her second song, somehow didn't get her voted off. But this is it. And I hate to see her go. She, like Mandesa, is a great example of a celebrity who's not afraid to share her faith. Man, do we need more of those kinds.

Eliot has probably come along farther than any other contestant in the show's history. He actually looks presentable now as a celeb. He's really overcome a lot of hardships in his young life. And he can sing. I still think he lacks any kind of stage presence, and I can't figure out why they can't fit him in a sportscoat. By selecting lesser known Elvis songs last week, he proved insightful. He's a great story and I hate to see him go. But I think tonight will be his swan song.

Taylor. What do you say about him and his Soul Patrol? Probably hello to the winner of this year's competition. Great voice, great guy. Funny moves. Not haha. He looks so disconnected sometimes. Voice and body don't mesh. It's kinda like Roberto Clemente's swing. It looked so bad the way he stepped in the bucket when he swung. On every pitch. But when he made contact, which was often, the ball flew off his bat. Taylor Hicks is that way when he dances. So unless the voters get it wrong, he's the one.

This group all the way back to Mandesa and even Lisa were outstanding. It's a good show, especially if you can fast forward or tivo the many, many commercials. And I can do that. Well, at least with my remote control. I can even pause the action and listen to the real Elvis on my 8-track if I want.

NOT HERE

This emblem may be like a happy face. A guy named Stephen Vole came up with the design and color. I don't know. I didn't want to get sued for using it, though according to an attorney son of mine, at least the way I understand it, I wouldn't have to pay damages unless I was somehow making money from its use. I'm not. End of litigation.

Anyway(s), I thought it pretty unique. And it has a variety of uses. When you leave home for any reason, brief or extended, just put this sign up on your front door. Kinda like the Neighborhood Watch sign. I guess that wouldn't work with burglars lurking.

What about in a classroom discussion. One where you were not prepared. Just hang a lanyard around your neck with this design all over it to inform the instructor that you're not (t)here mentally, so you shouldn't be expected to participate. I guess that wouldn't work since teachers like to give grades.

How about when a conversation starts going somewhere that makes you feel uncomfortable? Just pin on the button with this logo and watch the conversation change direction. I guess that wouldn't work since boorish people wouldn't even notice.

Ok, maybe this would work. Put up a sign that you didn't want them walking their dog(s) in your yard and doing their duties or is it doodies there? You might need an additional Not Here sign to discourage people from stopping their cars, getting out, and walking into your yard to steal a golf ball or two that was/were hit there by a wayward golfer. Another sign could be directed to the golfer who sliced or hooked the ball into your yard. I guess that wouldn't work since golfers won't take lessons and people think it's ok to take a golf ball or two out of your yard. Don't leave a bike out.

Oh what good is the Not Here logo anyway(s)?

I got it. Make it against the law to drive and talk on a hand held cell phone. It's that way in New Zealand. Plus it could be a boon to the economy when people were forced to buy the headsets to drive and talk at the same time. In addition sign makers would have more income from producing the logo and displaying it on interstates just for the sake of reminding motorists. I guess that would work just fine.

ONE FALLEN FEATHER FROM FREDBIRD

Ok, the picture shows a red leaf and not a red feather. Hey, it's hard to find one fallen red feather. From a baseball mascot.

I thought Mr. Pujols hit two home runs to right field yesterday against the DBax. But an angry wind held up both of them. What gives? Shouldn't Mr. Pujols get a break now and then? In his home park?

His numbers are astonishing for his career. But this season they are phenomenal. On a no wind day, he would have added to his totals which would have given him 21 homers for the season. On May 14! I remember Cardinal slugger Jack Clark hitting 22 for the whole season in 1987 and people thought him a power hitter.

Oh well, at least the Reds lost. And, as usual, the cubbies dropped another one. Remember when Harry would scream, "cubs win, cubs, win cubs win?" That's definitely an oxymoron. Kinda like life insurance.

On to the Suns game. Nevermind. They didn't show up again. Except for Raja. Diaw played hard, but that was about it. That's ok. I'm getting even Tuesday night. I'm going to the DBax game next door against the Padres. I was feeling bad about missing the Suns, but I figure if they can take a night off now and then, then so can I.

And that's it from the old sports desk. No. One more item. My man, Terry lost the immunity challenge on Survivor last night and got ousted. Some yoga instructor whose name spelled Sara backwards won. He had that Ed Grimsley hair style. Man, I had a bad day, the tv camera don't lie.

HAPPY MOM'S DAY 2006

I think practically all mothers are wonder women. What they do for us is amazing beginning with hauling us around in their bellies for so long. Does it ever end for mom? Gosh, no. They support us forever. Unconditionally. Because we're theirs.

I think Major League Baseball and, yes, even Bud Selig got it right this year. In case you haven't heard, several baseball players will be using pink bats or wearing pink caps today in honor of their mothers and breast cancer research, highlighted by their pink ribbons which will be displayed on the bases.

I hope Major League Baseball and other sports don't get carried away with other celebrations, no matter how worthy or noble. At least not for awhile anyway(s). The hats and bats, probably the bases, too, will be auctioned off later on with the money going to breast cancer research.

While there are literally thousands of other worthy causes in need of donations for further action or research, I think by limiting the honor makes it that more memorable. Perhaps the other sports will follow suit. Along with symphonies, musicals, plays, rock and country music concerts. It's really endless.

Grocery stores, gas stations, department stores, et.al., could sponsor one worthy cause a season. I recently took part in a Sjogren's Walk that raised $13,000 for research to combat that disease. P.F.Chang's in Scottsdale has a marathon run every year drawing up to 30,000 participants. Is it in need of a cause to celebrate and fund raise? To tell you the truth I don't know, but tack on some money for a tee shirt and support another great cause.

See what Mother's Day and Major League Baseball started? I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this way. And, go figure--it all began with mothers.