"YOU KNOW THE RULES WHEN YOU PLAY THE GAME"

That was another saying of my good friend Sam. And it certainly applies to all the flap surrounding Michelle Wie's last two golf tourneys.

Michelle was playing badly at last week's tournament, something called the Ginn Sponsored by Annika. She was coming off wrist injuries and high school demands so she hadn't played competively for some time. After 16 holes, she was 14 over par, or about average for most of us. However she's Michelle Wie and that's not supposed to happen. In fact, because of some neo-nebulous rule, and believe me there are hundreds of rules in golf, if she carded an 88, then she would be denied any sponsor exemptions for one year. Which means since she is not a professional, she'd be knocked out of playing in pro tourneys for one calendar year.

Apparently after being informed of this rule by her agent, Michelle started feeling pain in her wrists and decided to withdraw. No possiblility of an 88--no penalty or loss of tourney eligibility.

How the masses squawked, including Annika! "Her wrists weren't hurting; she was afraid by bogeying the last two holes, she would shoot an 88." (Actually, that quote is credited to no one in particular, rather it was a compilation.)

I say bully for her. In a sport, that I love by the way, that has so many obscure rules (the one that gets me the most is that a tv viewer can call in to inform the rules committee of an infraction on an indivdual golfer, when he/she or their playing partners never caught at the time), she was merely taking advantage of the rule. While adhering to the other sacred rules of golf, those who disagree with what Wie did are simply being hypocritical. If it's on the books, then why deny it to her.

Hey, maybe that's why she was 14 over; her wrists did hurt.

THE TIE'S THE THING

Double Windsor, big knot, clip on, neck extender. Man, I've tried them all. I used to wear a tie to church every Sunday. Same with work, if you can call teaching high school work. (You can certainly call meetings and in-service workshops work, but if you like people, especially young quasi-adults, then it's not work.)

But I've worked trying to tie the tie. The most success I had with ties was when the style was big knots. But when that changed, my appearance suffered. It must have been hereditary. My Dad was no great shakes with tying a tie, though his looked better than mine. He, like my brother, wore the clip-ons.

My son even rented a video on how to tie. His wife and I have worked with him a lot. His ties, which he wears daily, are not much better knotted than mine. He'll have to wait till the big, wide ties come back. He, like me, rejects the clip-ons.

When casual clothing styles for teachers came into vogue, it was a relief for me. No more choking or red marks on my neck. And when a youth pastor of ours told me his friends wouldn't attend our church because too many men wore ties to the worship service, I acquiesced and gave up wearing them, being the sacrificial guy I am.

Weddings and funerals. That's it for me now. Maybe that's why I'm not too wild about attending either.

I DIDN'T LEAVE LEVIS; THEY LEFT ME

Walkers and the Mammoth were the two best stores to shop for high schoolers in MTV back when. They were catty cornered from each other which meant easy access and comparable shopping.

They both had a good alteration lady, though Walkers had Fern who was the best. Both had friendly sales clerks and good merchandise for our burg. The Mammoth had the cool pneumatic tube that would take your money and send it to the banker, kind of like Deal or No Deal. That tube was the precursor of the tubes commonly used by banks, even now, but the Mammoth was first with it. It would poof back to you with the correct change and green stamps. Actually, I believe the Mammoth had their own store stamps which meant if you spent about $100, you got $5 off.

Walkers had a monopoly on the Levis brand. For $5 you could purchase a pair. Tack on another 5 and you had a shirt. Lots of us would save our money and get a new pair and shirt about once a month. Of course, the purchase would take place on Saturday morning or afternoon to be shown off that same night.

But then Levis started publicizing the size on the back of the pants. That was no problem for awhile. Just last week my wife found my old gym shorts from Wayne Arnold's Physical Fitness class at MtV Community College. There on the front left leg was my name in the box with MTV CC printed above. "Size 32," she said. No hint of "Wow that was a long time ago," or "Man, have you put on some weight since then."Just "size 32". No admonishment was necessary.

But also no announcement on the back of the jeans a la Levis. At least that tag was on the inside. When you're 32, it's no problem. Once you crack the next 0, it is a big deal. And you don't want to broadcast your failure. So Levis--so long. I should have left you when I couldn't get you for $5 anymore.

A WORLD WITHOUT PIZZA

Maybe 7 or 8, possibly 9 years. That's how long I'd been in the world before I knew about pizza.

Some of my earliest memories about pizza:

1. "When the moon hits your eye like a big 'piece of pie' that's amore." Well, at least that's what I thought the lyric was until I got it explained to me by a big 11-year old. But I didn't know what pizza was. (I had previously thought Mr. Sandman brought drinks, not dreams.)

2. "Pizza, Pizza, Pizza," one of our local drive-ins would advertize, and that was my first taste of the delicious offering. Probably no one else ever called drive-in pizza delicious. But I liked it at first taste.

3. The Pizza Hut built on land where my 8th grade girlfriend, for maybe three weeks, lived. It was the first or second place in town that served pizza. The red checkered tablecloths, well, it was what a pizza place should look like. You know, I still miss that hamburger pizza they made. It's kinda hard to find a hamburger pizza anymore, and their's really was good.

4. The Pizza Roma near downtown. The first Italian restaurant I had ever been to. It was half restaurant, half bar, so I never felt really comfortable in there until I reached legal age.

5. Shakey's Pizza, elsewhere. My little commune didn't have a Shakey's, but I sure looked forward to going to one when I was out of town. I mean it was a Pizza Parlor. And they had all kinds of toppings and, I think, different crusts. At least they were different from the normal crust I usually ate.

I've sampled a lot of pizza since those early years. It's hard to imagine my world where pizza didn't exist for several formative years. Maybe it's a good thing; maybe I'd never have been able to get in that catcher's squat position I played back then. Or maybe I would have never been able to get out of it.

SLEEPY TIME

At least that's what our youngest grandson calls it. He usually fights it, too. One snack before bedtime. Or one more story to be read. Before sleepy time. He's a great sleeper, too. No tossing and turning or flailing or waking up in the middle of the night.

Not me. Sleepy time can be anywhere, almost anytime. I try not to fight it except places where I shouldn't sleep. Such as driving, during long sit down meals, at church, at ball games.

Last night I went to sleep, awoke after 50 minutes, felt rested, and looked at my wife who was still reading, got a drink of water and went back to sleep. For another hour or two, before I got a drink, went to the bathroom, returned to bed for another hour or two and while not always getting up (sometimes I just look at the clock, like I have some place to go) and fall back to sleep.

Uninterrupted sleep doesn't happen much with me. Oh, it used to. Seven hours every night. But those days like the days of putting on the Rolling Stones or Beatles before falling to sleep are sadly no more. When I sleep for four straight hours, it's ecstasy. It happens once in awhile.

Naps--now you're talking. I've always been a power napper. Give me 10 or 15 minutes and I'm refreshed. One a day used to do. Now it may be one in the late morning and one in the afternoon, punctuated by one about 9:00 PM. Keep in mind I'm normally heading to the bedroom at 9:30 or so, certainly by 10:00 or 10:30.

Do I have apnea? No, thankfully. Narcolepsy? Nope. Old age? Getting there fast.

"IT'S ALL HAPPENING AT THE ZONE"

Back in the '90's, MTV got a new Auto Zone store located on the main drag. It was popular. Why I'm not sure. There always seemed to be high school cars in the lot, especially on weekends.

Once a high schooler himself, Mike S. Hicks was in a car with a young lady driver and other teens when she noticed her blinkers were not working. Being the industrious young lady, and wanting to take pride in it being her car, not her parents', she wanted to handle it herself.

Mike, being the helpful kind of guy he was, suggested she go to Auto Zone. There she could purchase blinker fluid.

She approaches the sales clerk and asks for blinker fluid.

"What do you want?" he asks incredulously.

"Blinker fluid. My blinkers quit working."

Repressing a smile, he yells to the back for the stock boy," She needs some blinker fluid."

Silence. "Right or left?" he responds, a little too proud of his retort.

"And there's no such thing as blinker fluid: I see," the driver reacts and stomps out of the store.

I never heard the end of the story. I'm assuming she gave Mike a ride. And a hard time.

ONLY TWO ARE LEFT

Forty years ago this week Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band was released to an adoring public. Some say it was the best album ever produced by the Beatles. Others, including this blogger think Rubber Soul was their best. Still others think The White Album or even Abbey Road.

What amazes me is that there are only two of the Beatles still living and Paul is about to surpass the age of "when I'm 64''. My body is telling me that I'm getting older, but the Beatles? Who ever thought they would?

But then again, they always surprised or disappointed me. Their drug use, their Eastern Ravi Shankar, Maheesh Yogi stage. Their spousal relationships. The whole Yoko thing. And their break up.

When they were new, when they were fresh, they were simply the best. The music they wrote and performed from 1964-67 will be sung for years. Some of those lyrics and musical arrangements were so simple, yet they cause you to sing along, at least parts of nearly every song.

It's hard to imagine that 40 years or more has passed. It won't be long until Paul will be the age of a Simon and Garfunkle lyric from Old Friends--"how terribly strange to be 70."

GOLDWATER OR JOHNSON

I wonder whom Mr. Gasser and the Weirdos supported for the 1964 Presidential race? I mean this album came out in 1963. And surely they had their opinion.

So where am I headed? I just read where last year's Idol runner up, Katherine McFee (?) maybe McFeeble, yeah, I think that's it, has come out in support of Mrs. Clinton for Prez in 2008. That's so good to know.

I base my vote on what entertainers think. I mean, what else is there? Everybody knows you can't trust the media. But when (C)looney, Streisand, Springsteen, and now McFeeble let their opinions be known, I know I'm safe to follow them. Also, don't forget the Awards shows. They usually let you know where they stand on the political spectrum.

While I wasn't old enough to vote in 1964, I still think I might have been swayed by the political leanings of Surfink. Of course, maybe that's why they didn't let me vote. I wasn't old enough or smart enough.