AT THE GROCERY

I'm not even hungry. Which is a good thing. When I go to the store and I'm hungry, everything looks good to me. If I go right after a meal, I'll buy much fewer products. I guess that's universal.

When I went to the store before supper tonight, by the way, I never understood how some could call lunch dinner, even the special Sunday dinner. Dinner is supper, not lunch. Never has been, no matter how big. Brunch is for another entry on another day. But as I was shopping, there was a guy in the aisles, as if there's not enough stuff in the aisles anyway, hawking watermelons. At another aisle not far away, a woman was offering free samples of beer. Surprisingly she had no takers. Neither did the melon man.

Maybe other shoppers have the same attitude as I. Keep out of the aisles. If you want a bigger store to house more products, then move or build on. But an aisle is for walking or pushing a cart. Some carts are big. And I'd like to complain about those big enough to allow kids to ride in them. Some are shaped like cars. But they look so cool, how could I complain? So cut 'em some slack and leave some space. No more special displays or salesmen hogging the aisles. Clog up another artery. But leave an aisle for, well, aisling.

Finally, when was the last time you went shopping and had a quick check out? Wal-Mart may be the worst. Most have counters a plenty. But checkers a few. Oh, sure most have self-check outs if you like talking to machines and taking orders, sometimes rather gruffly given, from them. Then there's the produce and leaving your bag until told to place it in the cart. It's time consuming.

Hey, how's this for an idea. Shelve the self-check outs and put displays there. Man or woman the counters that are left deserted and check out your customers in an orderly and efficient manner. See I come from a line of grocers dating back to the Red and White Store days. There's only one of them left in Illinois. Maybe if they'd take my advice, there's be more.

BUT THEN AGAIN

Besides the eagles and birdies on a golf course, I've also seen roadrunners, snakes, deer, turtles, fish, bears, coyotes, frogs, dogs, cats, hawks, heron, swans, iguanas, lizards, chickens, falcons, eagles(not the ones on a scorecard), and alligators. The strangest of all to me, are the alligators.

In Hilton Head, South Carolina, alligators populate the courses. Hit a ball over a hill and walk to it carefully, because a gator or two might be waiting. Not that they are that aggressive. But I wouldn't want to startle one.

Then the home owners whose houses border the courses are just strange to me. Why they would want to live that close to the gators? Several even had swimming pools, without fencing exposed to the gators. Nothing like going out back and finding an uninvited alligator or two poolside.

While bears and snakes may be scarier I'd have to say, the alligators would be my least favorite. But then again I'm reminded of a friend who played golf in Africa on a course that kept track of black panther sightings.

ROTTEN SLEEPER

If you've ever looked closely at my posts, you'll notice that most of the are entered quite early. That's because I'm a lousy sleeper. And equally lousy late night stayer up-per. In fact, late night to me is anything past 10:00.

But recently I've suffered from yet another pain. Yet another root canal awaits. And sleep has been deprived of me the last two mornings. Four AM comes too soon. This root canal will be my third. Our son had his second last week. A golf buddy's awaiting his next week. Monday's set for me. If I can make it that long.

So I don't know what the heck is it about them. That is, why so many people are having those little nerves go crazy, but for me, I can't even drink coffee now. It lights me up. I walk around with a piece of bread in my mouth separating my upper teeth from my lowers. Otherwise, they seem to radiate off each other causing the goofy little nerve to act goofy.

The only good thing I can associate with root canal problems is that when I have one I usually get a hole-in-one. No pun intended. But yesterday I starteed looking for one when I got all fired up again. It didn't happen, but I was extremely close to an even rarer double eagle, but my ball ran past the cup.

But the good news is that a good friend of mine, a member of the famed foursome in MTV got one yesterday. On the same hole I got one on in 2001. So maybe I'm passing the good fortune.

I'm happy for Mike. Even at my expense. But I hope that's the last one for both of us.

I HAVE A CAUSE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST

Maybe it's because I just got back from California. I have a cause. Granted, it's minor. It won't affect most. But I'm swearing off Arrowhead bottled water.

It has been a staple in our household for nearly a decade. Oh, occasional variances into Dasani or Aquafina. But the preferred beveridge has been Arrowhead.

Until they went green. I mean their new bottles are dopey. They won't even stand up straight when full. There they lean as if they're warped. And I'm done with them. I love to support green. When it makes sense.

The new crazy light bulbs, non-incandescent are another example. They're full of mercury and are hazardous when they break. You're not even supposed to throw them away in the garbage. Well, that's not green: that, too is dopey.

And when are the green people going to get after the litterers? I'm tired of that stuff. How is that not bad for the environs? But I don't see much being done about it.

So I guess my cause is getting bigger. Hey, greenies--straighten up. Don't be a dope: be green. But only when it makes perfectly good sense.

THE OPEN VS THE MASTERS

I went to Friday's US Open Golf Tournament at Torrey Pines in San Diego. I went because it was our birthday present to our daughter. And because I kinda like golf. And because I had never seen Tiger Woods play.

You see The Tige is kinda the best player ever to tee up a golf ball. He has another little tourney in Dubai that guarantees him 6 mil or so to play in, rather than to play in the FBR or Phoenix Open. So guess where he goes. Thus knocking me out of a chance to see the best.

But I saw him on Friday. Then I watched from a big screen on late Sunday afternoon and noon on Monday to capture the championship over some street fighter named Rocco. (I know two other Roccos). But that's not what this blog is about.

Because you see I also got to see a practice round at The Master's this year. It's been a great golf year so far. And since my wife and I kept comparing our experiences at both tourneys, I thought a summary would be in order.

As my wife said, "The course at Augusta is so much nicer. Torrey looks like a cow pasture in comparison." She's right. But what a beautiful pasture complete with stunning ocean views.

The food: hands down to The Masters. Sandwiches for $1.50 there. I paid a ten spot for a mahi mahi that was maybe a three dollar three dollar at best.

Merchandise. A toss up. It was much easier to view and circumvent the merchandise tent at Torrey, but the sweaters, hats, et. al. were pretty much a wash.

Crowds: Another toss up. Most were cordial, seemed to understand and appreciate the game. Only a few "One time"(s) were yelled. That's the gallery call of 2008 rather than "You da man". Not much to cheer at a practice round, though some did reward an excellent shot with applause at The Masters.

Shuttle/arrival/security--The Open without a doubt. Very smooth sailing and not a lot of walking and waiting in line to enter. The Masters--a train wreck all the way.

But with all the fun, all the hype of both tournaments, the determining factor had to have been our daughter. She was with us at The Open, so even though we were with great old friends at The Masters, Torrey Pines wins overall.

But it was as close as the final scores. The Masters was that good. Even in a practice round.

BEE NICE

Once as a five year old, I was stung badly by wasps. They had built a nest I discovered by accident in a swing set I was using.

And that's about it. For the most part, I've been stung-free. Except when mowing.

In Southern Illinois it rains. And then it quits. It's too wet, then too dry. Which may be why yellow jackets flourish in ground nests or hives. And on more than one occasion, I've found them while mowing. There's never a doubt about what has stung you. Only the yellow jacket has the deep needle burning sting. And seldom are you tagged by only one. I once observed them striking my mower 1 1/2 hours after I had mowed over them and left my mower right where I was injured.

But one Summer I had a relationship with yellow jackets. I saw their entry into the ground. I didn't pour gasoline in the hole near nightfall as I had done on other occasions. Especially when they were near our garden. Nothing was to get in the way of my tomato plants.

But this nest was visible and I would mow closer and closer to it without disturbing the bees. Each time I mowed, I got closer, yet even when there was activity, then never bothered me on my yellow Gravely rider. I knew my distance, and after awhile I think they knew I wasn't going to disturb them.

My final mow of the season got to within inches of their abode. But they allowed. It was the strangest thing.

But years later, their offspring didn't have that same relationship with our older grandson. A few of them left their marks on him. He retaliated the next morning by plugging up their entrance with a stick or two. Fortunately, he wasn't harmed any more.

It was the end of a bee-autiful relationship borne from an unspoken pact years prior by his grandfather.