BAR HARBOR DAYS

I've been there. Not on that bench in Maine. In fact not on a lot of benchs. A few. They tell tales. That's not right. They keep to themselves. All the stories, all the plans, all the details of our lives.

They don't have to be benches. A library table. An old tree on the tee box of the first hole. A phone booth (remember those?).

If Deadmen Tell No Tales, as an old movie title claimed, then benches and tables and trees and booths are silenced as confidential friends.

So like "A Summer Place", a bench is anywhere where two people share. Driveways are a place of midnight confession, and they, too can keep quiet. As well as bleachers, front porch swings, and tents.

OUT OF WHACK

These Oakley sunglasses cost $160. The last pair of glasses that I purchased from my eye doctor in Az cost $750. Thank goodness I don't need them anymore after my recent lasic surgery, but c'mon.

I don't know which is worse. The generic prescribed sunglasses or the made to specification regular glasses.

I'd say my regular glasses. I lost my eye insurance coverage when I retired. It used to allow me a new pair every two years. But not at that rate. They might have paid what the Oakleys cost, but I'd been stuck with the rest. Yet had I got them at Wal-Mart for $88, that's what they would have paid. No padding my wallet. But that's insurance for you.

I guess I shouldn't complain. I made the choice of what eye doctor to see, what kinds of glasses to get. As far as sunglasses, I don't have Oakleys, but I have Maui Jim's which also border on the absurd in price. Plus, I have sunglasses all over the house depending on which door I'm going out. What are you gonna do living in the desert where the sun shines bright on my old adobe home?

So now my quandry is where do I find someone who has my identical prescription to sell a slightly used pair of glasses? I'd let them go for say $500. Plus a pair of old Bolle sunglasses with a little chip in the right lens.

JUJU BEANS, DOTS, AND GUMMY BEARS

The dentists' best friends. I could add Bonomo taffy to the list. I pulled out more than one filling on that vanilla treat

Candy apples are another good source as are caramels in general. Bubble gum, too, perhaps because of its stickiness opposed to Dentyne or other gum. At least my Mom must have thought so, because she discouraged my youthful bubble gum chewing. And what was I to do as a budding major league baseball prospect who never had an desire to chew tobacco, the only other thing they ever put in their mouths. Dentyne? C'mon, Mom.

So what pulls out fillings now for me? Nothing. I just knock off a corner of one of my teeth and voila, a crown is the answer. Or a root canal. I've had two of those in the past calendar year. I don't know what causes a tooth to die, probably some good food I ate as a kid.

Like tootsie rolls or all that ice I used to chomp. But if I had to guess, it would be the Double Bubble bubble gum. I was sneaky about it, you know.

ALLIGATOR LIZARDS IN THE AIR

On my way to BSF last night, I turned melancholy. I was listening to an oldies' station and I heard the lyrics from a song by the 70's group America. The song had the very forgettable lyrics "alligator lizards in the air". The song "Venture a Highway," made even more popular by ESPN's Chris Berman with his nickname for former big leaguer Robin Ventura, whom he called Ventura Highway.

What made me sad was to think of those times in conjunction with missed opportunities, missed or lessened relationships. When I taught a night class at Rend Lake College back in 1974, I would hear another America song, "(Oz Never Did Give Nothing to) The Tin Man". It stuck with me and reminded me of those times now past.

Maybe because I was on my way to the first BSF class of the year, The Life of Moses. I'm in my 7th and final year of this study, and I'm already missing it, so I was ripe for nostalgia. But this was different because it involved regrets. Besides people and opportunites I missed, one of the biggest was my relationship with Christ.

I should be so much farther down the road in my spiritual life. I mean somewhere in scripture, we're told that God makes up that lost time for the season(s) we were away. So I shouldn't look back with remorse.

Plus, I would have missed all relationships from the 80's until now. But sometimes old songs can do that. Along with old age.

I LOVED THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION EXCEPT FOR

the slighting of President Bush. I know he's unpopular, but he's still right. I know McCain wants to distance himself from the Prez, but that's not right.

So before revisionists totally obliterate the W Years, I want to add some fodder that shows him in a positive light.

Since 9/11 there have been 11,788 terrorist attacks throughout the world, according to the AZ Republic on September 8, 2008. None on American soil. Thanks, Mr. President.

Because of US military involvement in two wars, millions of people have been liberated from tyrannical regimes. The governments in both countries have established democratically elected governments. Casualties from both wars have been among the lowest in US history. Plus, the wars were fought by a volunteer army. To me, that makes a huge difference.

Economically, the stock market is up over 3,000 points in the Bush years. Only within the last quarter has unemployment risen. Until then it was near historic lows. Our gross domestic product has increased by 40%.

And that's what the Republicans should have been telling the nation. But with the political climate being what it is, when the country can embrace the Clintons and Jimmy Carter, well maybe President Bush won't mind being dissed. For awhile. Until another Republican victory with the McCain/Palin ticket.

SHAMROCKS WOULD BE NICE

in our front yard. Last Winter's frosts killed two natal plum bushes that lined our walkway to the front door on the east side. I think shamrocks would look good there.

Then I'd have to capture some roadrunners who don't seem to like our neighborhood. I'd also throw in some colorful birds. Not crows or grackles or cackle birds as one friend calls them. But bright yellow and red and blue birds of various sizes.

We have a coyote or two and I'd keep them. I might throw in a javelina as well. Not for their beauty, but for their novelty. Yesterday during my early morning walk, I heard a horse neighing loudly and for thirty seconds or so. He lives just a street off our subdivision, in fact there are two residing there. I'd leave them as well.

I'd rid my bushes and plants from thorns save the cactuses. I'd lower the humidity even more and make the monsoons a lot shorter. And then I'd go place an ocean or at least a sea complete with white sandy beach just a few blocks away from the horses.

Finally, I'd put a limit on the number of people who could live here. And I'd accept no more people any older than I.

MERRY HALLOWEEN

I don't get it, but I saw a poster with those words on it the other day. I'm amazed at all the Halloween merchandise in the stores all ready. I'm wondering just at what point that the interest in Halloween exceeds the interest in Christmas in our land.

It far exceeds Thanksgiving. Not a good sign in my opinion. Yes, celebrating the harvest and its bounty is superior to any Fall festival celebration. Or should be.

Don't get me wrong either. I really like Halloween. Plus, I love the costume of the guy in the Wheaties box. The season that accompanies Halloween is perfect. The blended colors the Fall brings. The nip in the air. The casting of weird shadows by a sun all tuckered from Summer.

The trick-or-treat part of being a kid brings back a storehouse of memories for me. What was I going to be this year? What kind of costume, before the day of buy-on-the-rack, would my mom and I garner up? Could I really be a hobo again with a handkerchief tied on the back of a whipping stick to carry my loot. Ok, it had to be a sturdier stick that the willow or maple switch. Oh, yes, I was from that era when disobedience was answered with a switch. At least in our family, in our neighborhood, in our town.

But we held Halloween in its proper perspective back then, too. It was a fun time to pull a prank or two, fill our bellies with too many sweets, and have a last hurrah at outdoor weather. All too soon, the winds and ice and rain and snow would take over. And, thankfully, the switch supply would not dry up, but freeze up.