A SPORTS STORY

With the passing of John Wooden this week, I recalled a story told to me by a friend and verified by his wife. I hope I can do the tale justice.

Back in the 80's, St. Louis hosted an NCAA Regional Final. Coach Wooden brought his UCLA Bruins to the Arena. My friend and his wife were in attendance having purchased a nose bleed seat. Without a view of much of anything.

Somehow he and she maneuvered their way down to the floor seats. Coach Wooden had his back to my buddy when he reached the third row. An usher was on the move to check my friends' seats, but he was screened from the floor. My bud acts as if he's talking to Coach Wooden and says, "John are these the seats?" He then nods and allows his wife to go in front of him and sit down.

When the usher turned around, sure enough Coach Wooden was looking in the direction of my friend who by then was seated and ready to enjoy the game. There they watched the UCLA team reel off another victory.

Of course, he no more knew Coach Wooden than the usher, but with chutzpah and luck, they sat there undisturbed the whole game. Like Yosarian in Catch-22, when I heard the story, I let out a respectful sigh and whistle.

I haven't talked to my friend, Mr. DeBoer since the Wizard of Westwood's demise, but I know he thought of the Coach's appearance in St. Lou. And how he wasn't the only winner that night.

WHEN IT'S THERE ALL ALONG



and you just don't see it. Recently we left our happy
home to find the London Bridge. It was only about 3 hours from us.



What it's doing in Arizona I'm still not sure. But it's pretty cool spanning the new Thames River, nee Havasu Lake feeding into the Colorado River. Does it look out of place? Well, yes, but so does the London Eye if you want to compare and/or get technical.



But it's been a boon to Lake Havasu City which has become a haven for Spring Breakers from AZ and CAL. For holidays and weekends, too. After driving across the bridge several times in our two day visit there, we got used to it, and enjoyed the river walk watching the boats and taking in the sights.



However, that's not really the focus of this communicado. It's purpose is to inform, so that you dear readers will be knowledgeable in a variety of topics and subjects and subtopics and subsubjects. Many that don't matter at all. Some are vital, of course.

This one falls into the former category. FedEx trucks have a big arrow pointing to the right between the letter E and x. It's quite apparent to the naked eye once you know it's there. You'll never look at the truck again without trying to see the arrow. Not subliminary at all; just something out of the ordinary. Something to watch for on a road trip.

You may not see it the very first time, but once you do, you'll wonder where it was all the time you didn't notice it.


This has been a business advertisement and I approve.

MUSSELS

That's right. That's what I fell in love with the last time I was in Maine dining on lobster.

Oh, the lobster was great. Maine lobster is the best. But the mussels, my goodness, I must have eaten two dozen. On top of the lobster and corn.

It's not quite going to a steakhouse and ordering fish or vice versa as Albert Junkins said in the sixth grade, teaching me that term for the first time. We were not as bright then. At least not according to Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

By the way, though not a regular viewer, I've probably seen 25 shows or partial episodes and I've yet to see someone who was smarter than a 5th grader. Present company not an exception either. For instance yesterday the formula a2xb2=c2 had to be used to get the squared root answer of 13. The contestant and I bought bit the dust on that one.

But I'd imagine my first grade grand would know vice versa. I'll ask him. I know his 3rd grade bro will know. But there I go, not playing fair. Since school's out for the Summer, they're now 2nd and 4th graders. I'll report back in a future entry.

So this entry started with mussels, went through a memory word(s) recollection to a syndicated tv show to what a 2nd and 4th grader might know. I know, too, when it's time to quit.

AIN'T IT FUNNY

how it's true that it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. Or time wounds all heels instead of time heals all wounds.

I've always liked language. Words. Derivations, origins, and of course the double entendre. On many occasions that has gotten me in Dutch. I wonder what that means? My Dad used to say someone talked like a Dutchman; in context very talkative. Again, I don't know that one. But I seem to recall that's how President Reagan got his nickname, Dutch.

A good book, not The Good Book, is Eats, Shoots and Leaves, though it primarily deals with punctuation rather than diction. Shel Silverstein'ss Falling Up is worth a read if for no other reason to read quick little silly poems, one about a child who tried to sleep with a snowball. You know what happened, but Shel points out that the snowball wet the bed. It reminded me of a young neighbor boy who used to come over to our house. One day, he caught me in the garden and was amazed at the size of a squash that I had found long past picking. He asked me if he could have it and he slept with it for weeks. Why? Never knew.

I guess I could write on end, not literally, of course, about words. Feet smelling and noses running paradoxically. Or how the shoe has eyes, tongue, inner sole (soul), and extreme control. If you doubt the last one then you have never had a rock in your shoe and tried to prolong removal.

Finis

BEST PLACE IN TOWN TO TAKE A LEAK

That's the way a radiator shop in MTV advertised. Memorable.

I don't know if the Beauty Spot painted on the brick wall in New Orleans is a beauty shop, but it's a good name for one. Curl Up and Dye is the name of another of MTV's bidnesses as some local there say. I think that's kind of catchy as well.

But I guess as a wordsman or wordsmith, I like the sounds of words and take connotative note. I'm even a sucker for the cliched Dew Drop Inns.

Though I've never worked in advertising, and as I commented a few entries ago, I detest commercials, maybe if they were more creative I'd like them better. So here would be my commercial for razors.

I would start by showing a man shaving with a generic razor as he bleeds from bad blades. Then I'd disguise a Mach III Turbo by Gillette yet viewers would know which brand, the shaver was using. As he finished what he thought a close shave, he'd examine himself in a magnifying 5X mirror to see stubble and little bubble blisters from the razor. The final scene would show my average looking guy shaving quickly and closely with my Schick razor.

I'd end with bold lettering proclaiming "Schick Happens."

On second thought, I might have just encouraged buyers to get the other products. I guess that's why the closest I got to advertising was layout.

ONE MANNYQUINN





Times were hard, I was in Ushiwawa at the tip of the end of the world. Although it seems there was competition from another city also boasting to be the Southern-most city on the planet.

I had been in South America for about 17 days on my way back up to Santiago, Chile, totalling 28 days I had spent there.

I decided to work as a mannequin as you can see me pictured. Ok, untrue.

But I admire clothing stores that use mannequins that have some facial features. Even if it is an Ed Grimley type hairstyle, that come to think of it is in vogue with young men these days. You know the smush up on both sides to give it a start of making a poor sand castle look. The total nerd style of a few previous generations. Either that or shaved heads on young guys. There's one more hair style for the YGen and that's wear a baseball cap to hide the hair. For an even hipper style wear the cap catcher style backwards. Or to one side. Have a flattened bill. Gosh, I hadn't realized there were so many dumb ways to wear a hat until I started listing. I'm waiting for the one big crease in the middle of the brim to be stylish. That's the way you used to tell a real non-athlete when I played Little League.

Why it took clothing stores (notice how I got back on track without any transition whatsoever? Only established writers or some merit can pull that off), so long to give some facial features or personality to their mannequins. Only a few had discernible features. Some no heads at all. In AZ, I think it was Macy's that did it first. I took note and approve.

Of course none of the mannequins were quite as life-like as I in Chile. But I don't think I turned any heads in my brief international modeling career.

SKEDADDLE

That's a funny word. That's what I would entitle this picture.

Why? Because I see anger. Along with some sort of weapon raised. I see the bleeped out letters of words unsuitable for print. I see a headache of the one turned aggressive who has been ill treated.

Furthermore, I see an exposed tongue and a hairy middle finger with claw like projections. And I see a patched eye, a blackened eye, something like venom spewing from the mouth.

I think it has happened a number of times (note the symbol for number just to the right of the weapon) and two love triangles below, one intersecting the other.

So I'm assuming the angry one is the middle of a second triangle with this person and has had enough.

If you see anything different, then you're wrong. Because I lived that in high school. She even wrote about it in my Senior yearbook. She even tried a third time when I was in college.

Evil one; but I'm over it. I have been for many years now. But I don't know why the artist included the weapon and eye stuff. That never happened.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE CALLED

I'll offer a few more insights into our Northwestern (how can there be a university in Illinois called that? Oh, it's in the northwestern part of the state. Then why is it not called Northwestern Illinois?) cruise. Then I'll try to be done, though reflections are a funny thing, like dreams.

A few nights ago I had a vivid dream. I was in MTV, I think, trying to get to a football game. On my way there I was buying a can, dented badly, of Sheriff Joe Arapaio coffee. He's our sheriff, the most famous in the country. What his coffee was doing in Illinois, I don't know. If he even has his own brand. With the purchase of coffee, one also received a bag of kibble-like dog food, which my friend Bob Peach mixed with his can of coffee.

He wouldn't listen to me when I told him not to do it, and the salesman assured him it was ok. When we got to the game, it was sold out. They sold us tickets to the old football field where we were ready to sit and watch the game on the other field which we couldn't see.

That's it. I woke up, thoroughly confused as to what it might have meant.

Back to the cruise. A sign posted just outside the city limits of Victoria, Canada, stated "Daytime is for resting: nighttime is for sleeping." I couldn't agree more.

Our tour guide there claimed Victoria was a city for the young and old alike. Or for the newlyweds and nearly deads.

A question the cruise director claimed she was asked was "is the water in the toilets fresh water or salt water?" Her response: "I don't know and there are two reasons why I don't care--Number 1 and Number 2."

Two quotes from Mrs. TQ: "I've eaten so much on this cruise that even my moo moo's tight." With a disclaimer, if she's ever had a moo moo, I've never seen it.

The other came after we had received an invitation from the ship's spa to take part in a seminar on how to flatten the belly. What I hears was "Well, I see they know we're here."

The comedian on the ship was Steve Moris a musician who had opened with The Beach Boys, BJ Thomas, and others. He told the joke about a Chinese man who went to an eye doctor who tells him. "You have a cataract." His response, "No, I have a Rincoln."

We were disembarking we were told to go to a nightclub and wait, but there was no more room so they sent us to the wedding chapel. Along with maybe eight other couples. We sat in the first row where the bride's parents would be. To our left was a box of Kleenexes and an emergency exit. Perfect.