SO THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS NAME

Seal, I mean. Until I came across this picture, I never knew. But he does look like a seal.

I don't mean to be mean. But. You see, Seal married Heidi Klum, a super model. THE super model according to good friend Michael. So he represents all the guys who have asked that question,"What does she see in him?"

Of course what's unsaid is "She could have had me." Or, at least someone just like me.

So take a guy not blessed with good looks (Lyle and Julia are another famous incongruent couple). Add a singer who is very talented (like Celine Dion). Have him sing a really annoying song (I won't title it or mention a lyric or I'll have the song stuck in my head all day).(Celine again) Now, give him a gorgeous Victoria's Secret model. Voila! A guy to dislike.

I'm already feeling bad about this entry. I don't like to be mean. I thought long and hard about deleting it because of the sheer negativeness. But then I thought mean is close to meant. Maybe, just maybe Seal and Heidi were meant for each other. So anything I might add is harmless.

Ok, I'm grasping now. But I'm not deleting. There are too many other instances of women choosing the wrong guys. He's just the template, the prototype. Besides, I know Michael will like it.

SNAP, GRACKLE, POP

Being from SoIL (Southern Illinois), I had never heard of a grackle until I moved West. Maybe we had them, maybe not. But I must not be the only Illinoisian that never heard of the term grackle, because an IL bred friend of mine calls them cackle birds.

They are not as pretty as the one pictured here from Ohio. Ours have no blue or brown; just stark black. They're annoying. They're smart, too.

I mainly see them on the golf course where they'll get in your golf cart and steal your cheese and crackers or any snacks. They wait until you're approaching the green and have abandoned cart. Then they swoop down and snatch your food away. I've thrown golf clubs and golf balls at them but have yet to bag a grackle.

A golfing bud of mine with a pool service says he's seen them take dog food and dip it in the pool to soften it and then fly away with the Purina Chow. What other bird would think of that?

Sparrows, blackbirds, crows, grackles. I'm not too fond of them, and I'm a bird lover usually. The only thing worse is a stupid coot. But I've never had to fight any of them for my snacks.

THE HEROES SHOW

I don't know how or why but I like Heroes on Monday nights. As it has changed over a few seasons, so has my hero.

I first liked Hiro because he was so dedicated. Funny and full of intense facial expressions, he drew me interested in the show from the start. How can you not like someone who wants to save the world?

But through no fault of his (I blame the writers) my interest in him waned. I was drawn to the cheerleader. Perky and bouncy and dead set determination that Clair possessed made me want to see her in each episode. But that was early Heroes. She is no longer very interesting to me.

Sylar is the best now. He has all the powers of the other superheroes and he's a villain. Sometimes I like the villains in tv shows and movies even when I'm not supposed to. I don't quite know why. But Sylar is so cool.

But I have a warning for the writers and producers. You better reveal what's going on soon and not introduce any more new characters. If not Heroes will become what Lost has become to me. Something to channel surf through.

BEAN DAY

In many ways April 15 is Bean Day. At least Green Hills Country Club used to think so. Because every April 15th they would serve a bean dinner because they thought no one would have any money left after tax time to order anything else.

Other ways, too, illustrate how Bean Day is appropriate. The taxpayer has to use his "bean" to avoid paying all the taxes that the government wants to take from him. Now besides providing jobs for accountants, there is a purpose to our tax structure and shelters. In a lot of ways they are built in to provide an outlet that can be used instead of the general tax coffers. For instance, many states have bonds that are tax sheltered annuities to help local or state infrastructure. Without the bonds, well, I guess they'd just have to get a bailout. I go for bean over bail.

Beans have also been used as a synonym for money. That's what today's all about. "how many beanies is that gonna cost me?" Chances are today, quite a bit. I come from a long line of tax grumblers. I remember my father complaining,"what I have to pay in taxes is just what I need to get ahead."

Our next door neighbor was an older guy who my dad said "made his money before there was income tax." I know dad admired, yet was envious of Mr. Kuykendahl.

So just in honor of hard working people taxed beyond their comfort level, I'll have some beans today. I think we still have some left.

LUD AS SALAMANDER

There were 12 tribes. We all descended from them. I'm of the opinion that all people look like the one of the 12.

Let me explain. I'm always seeing something about someone that reminds me of another. Physically.

No other family members agree with me. My wife, sometimes. But our kids--almost never. They just chalk it up to another of my idiosyncrasies. Or things I'm wrong about.

When we are at a public place and I observe someone who looks like someone else we know, I'll just say the name and my family will know what I mean. They won't agree, but they'll know what I'm doing.

Want to play? Look at the painting of Ludwig Van Beethoven.

Newt Gingrich.

A NEW MEXICO WORD ASSOCIATION

This was almost the exactly spot. In Santa Fe. Where 25 years ago I was racially profiled.

You see, since we live in AZ, I know lots about racial profiling and stereotyping. The nation's most famous Sheriff, Joe Arapio, runs the town. He actually tries to uphold the law. And he gets accused of being a racist.

He tries to stop illegal immigrants. They're Hispanic or Mexican or Latin. I really don't know the PC term for them. But since it's the law, he tries to find and arrest them.

I guess sometimes he accuses legal citizens, or perhaps pesters legal citizens, I'm not sure. I know many don't like him. And, honestly, I don't know if they disagree with him or the law. But when nearly 100% of the illegals are brown, much like many in the valley, it can be a difficult task.

The only time I've been there, I was standing on the city street in Santa Fe with my family, all who wore blonde or gray hair, when a bag lady approached me. "You slobs need to get out of this country and go back to where you belong."

You see, I'm rather brown myself, so I suffered from racial profiling. I'm sure I was her target since she addressed me. Speechless, I stared at her for a long time as she walked away having summoned me.

Maybe her last name was Arapio. I don't know. But when I think of New Mexico, I don't think of a long time friend and doctor from there. Or from a short time friend who was opening a restaurant there. Or even the land of enchantment as advertised on their license plates. No. I think of that bag lady.

And laugh.

CHURCHES ON EASTER

I love Easter. How can you not? I mean it's the one day that we celebrate the greatest day in the history of the world. When Jesus was resurrected.

I remember when our MTV church would be so full on Easter Sunday that we ushers would have to add card table seats in the aisles. As I was adding them, I thought to myself that it would be one full year before we had to perform that task again, and I was right.

But on Easter, it was a privilege.

That was in the day when people dressed up to attend worship services. Women often wore bright colored hats. "He Lives" was sung along with other old resurrection hymns. Hams were cooked at home or people secured reservations for after Easter service dining.

What preceded were dyeing Easter eggs and hiding them in the yard. Usually clumps of new sprouted grasses were choice spots. Also around backyard clothesline poles. Or, naturally, in the little root ruts of big elm trees.

The Church of the Oil Can in Cleveland is pictured. It's still there because I asked a golfer from Cleveland last week if he knew of the church. He did.

I hope it's filled today. I hope they need card table chairs. And I hope they sing "He Arose".

Happy and blessed Easter Sunday.