BAYSIDE VS. VALLEY

Did Bayside ever lose? What a show!
Screech was always Screech. Which should be spelled annoying. Why even little kids in the background/laugh track found him anything other than stupid boggles the mind. Now Booger was a great nerd, but that's for another blog at another time.
Slater was pretty one-dimensional, too. Irksome also when he constantly called Zack, "Preppy." He saved the day many times, but he always belonged with Spano, not Kelly.
Spano, best known for bad acting in "Showgirls," also proved that no fluke in another movie called "Deception", I think. She was duped, heck she was a dupe, into helping this one night stand guy get rid of the body of his ex, or something. Anyway, her acting ability ran the gamut from A to B, as I once read a movie critic explaining another bad actor/actress. But now I'm getting into Scott's expertise, so I'll move on to Kelly.
What a body change! She was like a makeover in reverse. On even some of the later shows, she was a petite young woman in her, seemingly, college years. Yet when she got to college in the "Saved By" years she had grown. And when she got to 90210, she didn't look much like the old Kelly.
Lisa Turtle. Did anyone ever have that last name? Lisa was stuck with lame Screech for some reason, made annoying fashion references, and shared a kiss (wow, that's a funny expression--how else would you kiss or what is the sound of one lip kissing?) with Zack in one episode. She was frisky, though and overcame her shortcomings.
And Zack. Remember his band, Zack Attack? Despite his Dennis the Menace/Beaver Cleaver mentality for getting in trouble, you kinda rooted for him. And when he took Kelly to the Prom, outside the gym, it was kinda cool. I even think he's acted pretty well in some tv shows and movies.
Finally, Mr. Belding. Scott and I once saw him host an old tv game show, or maybe he was a contestant; I've forgotten. Probably a good guy, he was subjected to some dumb writing. And a terrible laugh.
What a show. How'd it last so long? And why were the Valley kids such jerks?

THE BEAV CALLS DON DRYSDALE

This week in SI (should be in lower case to show disrespect to them for their use of gutter language in an article on a Suns' asst. coach a few issues back) one of their writers examines pro athletes in tv sitcoms. But they missed one of the biggest and best when, as they say, Jerry Mathers as The Beaver called Don Drysdale long distance.

One of his goofy buddies, I think it was Gilbert, talked him into making the call after a Dodger game. Beav gets through to the stadium in LA and gets connected to the locker room. When he asks for Drysdale, he's informed that the big guy is showering. No worries, Beaver stays on the phone line for a long time, but finally gets to talk a sentence or two to Drysdale.

Wearing that typical Beaver smile, he turns to his friend. He's congratulated and feels pretty important having just talked on the phone to the star hurler.

Of course, the expensive phone bill arrives later and Beaver gets caught. (Did he ever get away with anything? Poor kid.) It was a good show, as usual.

I guess since Mayfield was supposed to be in the Midwest, and the Dodgers on the left coast, that si overlooked it. Instead, we're left with billie jean king on "The Odd Couple," Steve Sax on "Who's the Boss," and Shaq on something called "Curb Your Enthusiasm." They even missed mcgwire on that show with Helen Hunt.

Oh well. I'm sure they know more than I about stuff like that. But let's see if they're still showing "Curb Your Enthusiasm " in syndication fifty years from now.

CARDINALS FOR 4 GENERATIONS

When the new stadium opens in April 2006, I'll be looking for one brick. It reads "4 Generations/Cards and Quinns/Mt. Vernon,IL."

I tried to trace our allegiance back one more generation, but I couldn't make it happen. Not that we know of anyhow. So I'll have to begin the Quinn relationhip with the Birds on the Bat to my father.

This 1926 Cardinal team is likely his first association with the team. Mine was probably not until 1955. At least those tv pictures on Topps baseball cards were the first I remember. And I never thought about following another team since.

Scott's first Cardinal team was probably the Birds of 1980. It could have been one year earlier, but for awhile, sad to say, he was a cub fan. When WGN was proud of the cubbies and they showed nearly every game, Scott would watch sometimes without me. One of his favorite players was Scot Thompson, whom he dubbed "Misspelled " Thompson because he was lacking the appropriate number of t's in his name. We went to one game at Busch and I actually rooted (or told Scott I did) for the cubbies of Dave Kingman. He was Scott's other fave as I recall. I'm glad that intellectual and emotional blip didn't last long for him.

Grant's favorite color is blue. When I asked him his favorite team he diplomatically said he rooted for all the teams. I also heard him call the northsiders the cubbies, so I thought a little re-education might be in order. But it wasn't necessary. As far as Amelia, she's been to several Cardinal games, so she was an easy sway. Nathan has yet to attend a game, but as much as he loves any kind of ball, it's not hard to see whom he will gravitate to.

So there you have it. 4 generations. And while it's not written in granite, it is written on brick.

THE EYES HAVE IT

Remember the old song "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me," by Rockwell? Well, that's what I thought of when I came across this picture.

Other eye thoughts:

the eyes are the windows to the soul

keep your eyes on the ball/ the (steering) wheel in an old song

The Eyes of Laura Mars

These Eyes (The Doobie Bros)

Betty Davis Eyes, along with Marty Feldon's, Kurt "Crazy Eyes" Thomas, Bob "Go Ahead; Crowd the Plate" Gibson's, Mike Tyson's with tats, Frank "Old Blue Eyes" Sinatra's, Paul Newman's, Liza Minelli's, Paul McCartney's, Troy Pietsch's when two were blackened, (actually, I've heard plenty of ladies talk about both Troy's and Ryan's peepers) and teachers' eyes peering out over the tops of bifocals.

"Hey, four eyes." Actually we had a teacher at MTV named Charlie Ielase (pronounced eyeless) but he wore glasses, too.

Caroline and Courtney had lasic eye surgery years ago in St. Lou. I had mine the middle of August 2005. It wasn't the normal kind. It was called flapless where they reshaped my corneas--it was performed by the doctor of the Arizona Cardinals, which probably means I can see ok, but I'm lousy at sports. It is really a blessing. I'd encourage everybody to do it.

Scott and Mike McClure are the two biggest eye chickens I know. Mike's the worst. Scott doesn't like to look or think about eyes, while Mike can't even put eye drops in. They have optiphobia, I guess. I know eyelid surgery is called blefaroma.

The eyes that I've seen the most in my life have been up to 150 pairs a day. They looked at me as if they were paying close attention. But I knew. I'd had them, too. When I was a student. Behind those attentive eyes, there was nobody home.

I'M HEADING THERE IF BRUCE'S CAP IS RED

I've always felt bad about not attending the Hall of Fame induction ceremony of Ozzie. I can get a little relief if he/ they do the right thing and pick Sutter as a Cardinal rather than a cubbie.

I called the Hall of Fame yesterday about one hour after the announcement. (I figured why not, since the Hall of Fame never called me.) They hooked me up with the PR dept. But I have to back up. When I dialed 1-888-425-563-3268 (1-888-Hall of Fame), Ozzie's voice gave me the prompts and welcomed me. Once they had a writing contest honoring Jackie Robinson and a few students of mine entered. They didn't win, but I did get to talk to a few people there and there were very nice. This time, too.

But they didn't know which cap he would wear. I thought the Hall picked, but a St. Louis paper said Bruuuuce gets to select and while it was expected he would wear the beautiful cardinal red, he declined to say. Hey, that's no problem. Let it build up. Remember he thrived in late innings. So it's only fitting that we have to wait for the final result.

But he or the Hall selects a Cardinal hat, don't try to read my blog or Scott's on that day. We'll have other things to do in Cooperstown, NY.

BALLPARK FOOD

I don't know why it is, but when I attend a game, I have a tendency not to eat as much as when I'm watching at home. Duh, it's the price is not the reason either. Otherwise I wouldn't cough up $10 for popcorn and a Dew at the movies.

I love the Kosher hotdogs at Busch and the ED. And as my blogging readers know, there simply is no better food at a ballpark than at the BOB, now CHASE in Phoenix. But I usually have one meal/item/entree, I don't know what you'd call it, and that's it. I settle in for the game and enjoy. Sans food or drink.

Now, as a kid, it was a whole different game. Besides the hotdog and soda, there was popcorn and more soda and cracker jack(s). This was in the day. No cotton candy or licorice ropes or caramel apples back then. Not at he ballpark anyway. And what lousy prizes came in cracker jack(s). I mean they were nothing. But every kid I ever saw dug into them like the Hope diamond was hidden in their box. Actually, we had never heard of the Hope diamond, so I guess that wasn't quite accurate. Always disappointed, but never acting so, we played with the goofy prize and desired another box of jack(s) to try again. One time I remember opening the box and finding my prize was a piece of folded paper, much smaller than a stamp, that revealed numbers 1-10. Individually perforated with no stickem on the back. I still don't know what it was for.

I think the name of the dog on the box is Spike, but I know I'm entering Derek's territory here, so I'll back off. All I know is cracker jack(s) have no nutritional value, no good prizes, and as far as taste, well let's just say they are bland. Only the dentists really love them.

STEVE BARTMAN AND PARIS HILTON

How do either of them dererve their 15 minutes? Yet their fame has already far surpassed that time frame. Why and how?

The Bartman. Did he cost the cubbie a World Series appearance? Probably not. But he'll always be blamed for their fall. The cubbies being the cubbies would have found another way to cough it up. Some individuals and teams are just waiting for the other shoe to fall. They can't or shouldn't be able to put an opponent away, so they look for something to hang their loss on. Bartman was more than able to provide that. And if it wasn't Bartman, then it would have been another cubbie fan in the area. Don't forget how many other paws were in the air trying to snag a foul ball that could have been caught by the unsanitary alou near the wall and foul line. So if Bartman, in a state of intellectual thought had realized that he was sitting in the first row of a ballgame being played in his beloved hometown and the foul ball might be able to be caught by a member of his team, and he didn't try to snag it, then it hits off someone else's hands and he's off the hook. No 15 minutes of fame for him. No immortality in the vaults of cubbie history. But being Bartman and a cubbie fan, he's in the annals.

Paris Hilton. What the heck had she ever done before busting (pun intended) onto the scene a few years back? Had anyone ever heard of her before? All I know is, one day she was there and people were talking about her and I had absolutely no clue who she was. I still don't know what she does other than pose for pictures. I know she has a little dog, she likes to party, she's from the hotel Hiltons, and she had a tv show with Nikki Richie (Lionel's daughter, I think), but seriously that is all I know about her. So I'm back to my original question--what had she ever done? But whatever it is, and just like Bartman, she's in the annals.

Now, what would you get if Bartman and Paris hooked up and reproduced? That's easy--a child who would get 30 minutes of fame.

WHY POPEYE IS COOL

Probably the reason that Popeye is cool is that he's so politically incorrect. First of all his name. Somehow Popeye has been deprived of his right eye.

We're never told how he lost it, but sure enough: never had it/never will. And his moniker Popeye is a reflection on having no eye. After all, it's not Popeyes.

Next is his language. Who else pronounces the "c" is muscles? And what's up with the way he always talks to himself? He loses it on every show.

Of course he smokes. It may be a corncob that doubles for a spinach bowl among other things, but it's still a pipe and it/he stinks from usage.

Next is his choice of the anorexic Olive Oyl. A play on an obvious reference to a Mediterrean hot blooded woman. He, and his arch rival, Bluto fight over Olive like she's a babe or something.

And of course, his spinach is not natural. He pumps up like sosa or mcgwire simply by ingesting a substance that he claims is spinach. Remember when sosa left some Flintstone vitamins in full view of his locker? That was a cheap shot that he played for humor, kinda like when he suddenly couldn't speak English at the congressional meetings on steroids. It was pure Ricky Ricardo without the humor. Popeye may have gotten a generation or two of children to at least try their spinach, but the power they brought Popeye was not veggie-induced.

Finally, his theme song, "I'm Popeye, the Sailorman," is a slam at the navies of all countries. Sailors, yes, sailorman, no. It's degrading.

But then again, that's maybe why we love him. He's so self-deprecating and politically incorrect. But hey, he did introduce us to a real American--Wimpy who'll "gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."