JUST IN CASE

So many of us just can't handle the food anymore. The intake. The second helpings. The richness. The sauces. The salt. The bread. And of course, the calories.

Celebrating with family and friends and friends of friends and family, we're planning on 3 huge meals. Not on the same day. You have to spread it out to effectively spread it out. The offerings in order: prime rib, followed by chicken pot pie from Harry and David's, followed by chicken and dumplings. Followed by steaks. I know: that's 4--I forgot about the cookout--and I'm the chef.

Now if you don't think we're talking serious weight gain here, then you're mistaken. I would have to walk non-stop till year's end to erase the excesses. If you're dubious about that, maybe I should have added the homemade candy that my wife confected: divinity, some plain, some with peppermint chips, some with nuts; fudge, plain and with nuts; biscotti, some with chocolate only, some with peppermint chips and chocolate; and my favorite--caramels. The last need no explanation, no descrip. They are just terrific. She hasn't made her special lemon pie yet, but it will make its appearance if ever so briefly; because of its deliciousness it never last long.

Tums, di-gel, and Pepto will be a staple at nighttime for me. I don't think they really manufacture Pepto in a spray can, but they should. Just for our family.

Enjoy the best time of year. While you're at it, have several elastic waist band pants clean and ready to be let out for the added girth.

Eat, drink, and have a Merry Christmas 2010!!

"AND WHEN I TOLD HER..."

Naugh. This entry is not about romantic heartbreak or heartache or "once in awhile he won't call". It's not about a loss in that way.

It's not about the loss of a loved one taken from us all too soon. It's not about our shattered hopes and dreams and plans. Although all in both paragraphs certainly warrant tears.

The woman's tears in the picture and my tears are for those who do not know the Lord Jesus Christ. There's an eternity out there. We can be certain. We do not have to hope. We do not have to wonder whether or not we'll make it to heaven. If we believe that Jesus is who He said He was--God in the flesh who came to serve and save. If we believe that He died and rose from the grave after three days. If we believe that we were born of Adam who sinned and caused the separation from man to God and that we are sinners. If we confess our sins and try to turn from sinning. If we ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior of our lives and nothing we can do will earn our way into heaven because it is a gift from God through His grace, then we are born again and we can rest assured that we will be in heaven.

If you believe all that I've written in the previous paragraph and simply pray a prayer including what I've said, then welcome to the family of God. There will never be a bigger decision that you have to make in your life than this one. If you wait, then at least for now you have made the decision not to follow Jesus.

And if you do that, then my tears are just like those in the picture. I want to spend eternity with you. We can look on the face of Jesus together. He who loved us so much that he would rather die than live without us. (I must credit Pastor Rick Warren for the last sentence, but it's one I embrace.)

You will feel so much better when you do. Of that, I am positive. Plus, you won't make me cry.

INNUENDO



Never, ever was there innuendo in one of tv's best shows. Never did anyone have to get embarrassed if they happened to be watching tv with their parents and the show that was airing was Beaver.


It's not quite like that anymore. When humor has sunk so low that I can't imagine watching some prime time shows with our young ones. Most of the innuendo, of course, is of a sexual nature. It's so unsophisticated that it reminds me of the time in first grade when we learned how to spell "but". I thought that was funny. (What first grader knew what I was laughing at required one more t?) It's about that level. I just wish it were that mild.

I even see it on the Disney channel comedy sit-coms. Whenever I sit in front of the tv when they're on, I think of the brain power I've lost and ponder how I can ever retrieve that thirty minutes from my life. I chalk it up to lost sleep. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep. Miley Cyrus smokes something that is spelled almost like saliva one day. The next, she's seen with a bong. This is Billy Ray's girl and Disney's princess. Well, Mary Ellen Rogers would never have considered it in Beaver.

In one show, an older Wally did date a girl who took tickets at the movies. She was older and smoked. She took him to a "beer joint" where Wally left her. If not brokenhearted, he at least had a heart pang. That was about as risque at the Beav's show ever got.

And I really liked it like that. But "gone are the snows of yesteryear", so if you're in for a little tube watching tonight, be sure there are no kids around.

I still miss "to do ta doda, ta do ta do"--you know, the theme song of "Leave it To Beaver.

HAMBURGERS I HAVE KNOWN

There comes a time in every man's education a time for reflection, a time for classification. A time for evaluation. A time for hamburgers.

I love Wimpy's line, "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." It's not iambic pentameter, but there is a neat rhythm and accents that allow it to roll off the tongue. Speaking of

Five Guys is a new, to me, chain in the valley that has delicious burgers. Garnishes are unlimited, well at least a lot. The burgers are big, don't order the double, which they don't tell you about. That is, on the menu it is simply advertised as a $4.99 hamburger. You simply won't need it. They will satisfy your desire for grease. So much, that you won't want another one for half a week anyway. Their fries are also quite greasy good. They remind me of American fried potatoes prepared in a skillet only shaped or cut in the form of French fries. They are good. Again, you'll be sated enough not to want to return there for two weeks for their fries.

Other great burgers are In-n-Out, McDonald's angus, Fat Burger, and those cooked out over a gas grill. Another great burger I had once was one in St. Augustine, Florida, when I was 10. Kelly's Bowling Alley in MTV made a great one, too, as did the little burgers at Reabens.

The best all-time though come from the butchered cow, direct from the meat processor to my front door to the grill. Of course with a little garlic salt on top.

ALFIE

As in "What's it all about"? I came across an exceedingly hard picture to find to stir a memory, an emotion, a tale to blog about. I saw this picture and I knew: it's Seattle.

Keep inn mind that I've only been to Seattle one time. It certainly wasn't when these old cars lined the city streets. None of the existing structures are probably still standing. If so, I never saw them. Yet I knew before I read the caption.

Yesterday we finished up (erroneous expression, because did anyone ever finish up {well maybe in OHenry's Magi story} Christmas shopping. We were looking at a jogging kind of outfit for one of the grandkids when my wife had to remind me that we had already purchased one. I didn't remember until we got home and was shown the black Puma one. So if you're reading this and you're one of our 4, then one of you knows one present.

So my point is this: I'm an old guy who has a crazy memory. Just this past week I accumulated two FaceBook friends by their request. One a former student from the early '70's. I could remember the hour, the class, and where she sat. We had had no contact since she sat in that seat so long ago. Another friend whom I hadn't thought about for years told me he remembered we "threw the baseball around a little bit" when we were younger. I reminded him of catching him in an All-Star game and remembered when he broke a car windshield in batting practice. I remember the car, the color, where it was parked--in 1960. Of course I also remembered what team he played for. In fact, I can remember what teams most of my old buds from back then played for.

I dunno. I also just burned my tongue on some hot coffee that I apparently just poured. Time is a curious character these days. Now where did I put the morning paper?