MY FIRST AND HOPEFULLY LAST

Our daughter laughed at me. Oh, that's not unusual. When I didn't pronounce Michael Buble correctly, I got that laugh reserved for those naive. But that's not what I'm writing about today. But just to help other out-of-it-old guys, the accent is on the le and not the Bub.

You see, as an Arizona resident for going on 7 years, I had never seen a live scorpion. I've also never seen a live rattle snake, but that's fine: I don't want to encounter that guy either. But on our African trip, I spotted a blue scorpion with the help of a walking guide.

We stayed in tree houses at Phinda Game Lodge in South Africa. I thought they were high up in the tree, similar to where the Zulu tribes put their children to protect from animals at night. They were almost all solid glass, but they were only on 6 foot stilts; where they got the tree part is that no trees were destroyed in the building of 11 such structures at the Forest Lodge, one of half a dozen lodges at Phinda's 50,000 acre wildlife area. Only elephant fences separated the other animals from us.

Plus, there were no guards to shoot sling shots at baboons who might get near. That happened in Zimbabwe at the Victoria Falls Hotel. Technically, the guards only fired in the diection of the mango loving baboons, but I had a sling shot as a kid, and it was fun to shoot at real life stuff, so I didn't believe it for a minute, though I never saw them bring up any welts on any monkeys.

But the scorpion. He was on a dirt path as we were walking back to our tree house after a late dinner. Guides held flashlights to mark the way and to see that we didn't get too lost on unmarked paths. He spotted one, pointed it out, played with it to the displeasure of one scared guest. Our daughter, also on her way to her tree house just laughed and added, "He's not as poisonous as the little guys."

He was kinda cool looking. He was my first, but like a lot of unpleasant things, I don't need any more firsthand experiences with them.

AFRICA'S BIG FIVE

A little quiz to start your day. Or mid-day. Or for night time thoughts. Which of Africa's Big Five is the most dangerous?

Collectively, my wife, daughter, and I saw the Big 5 on our recent visit. I say collectively, because only the Missus (Don't you just love it when a wife is called the Missus? Me, neither, so I won't use it again) got to see all five. Our daughter hadn't arrived yet, and I couldn't answer the bell for the morning safari that yielded the leopard. But we got to see the cheetah, so that should count for a leopard since they are tough to spot. (pun)

The leopard, while the toughest to find, due to his nature of not wanting to be found and his dwindling numbers is certainly ferocious. And fast, though not reaching the 65 mile an hour speed of the cheetah. But he ain't the toughest.

The Black rhino is also extremely rare. Unlike the White rhino, he's a thorn eater. The White rhino is a grazer; no thorns for him. Supposedly they are the same color, yet when we first saw the White one and I was told that, I was dubious. When we saw the Black one, I recognized him immediately as being somewhat darker. The White had a mom, dad and baby with them. The horn of the father's was immense. Even our guide said he had never seen one longer, and he has been the head ranger at Phina for 7 years. But it's not the Black rhino, even though he can weigh up to 3,000 pounds.

The lion, ohmigosh, you thought the king of the beast was the toughest? Me, too. Majestic, the male we saw, touted as the most beautiful you'll ever see, sat maybe thirty yards from us. We, in our open top 4 x 4 all terrain vehicle. He had his eye on his lioness, the killer of the family, who was fighting sleep, some 15 yards from us. The male just exhuberated his stately appearance. He knew he was the best, and he was, but not the toughest.

A killer of lions is the cape buffalo. And yes, he's the most dangerous of the Big 5. Surprised? Again, me, too. I was told that before a female got so close to our vehicle that it was a little spooky. It was as if she wanted us to feed her. With daughter and me in the back of the safari vehicle, we had no need to zoom on her. We could almost touch her. Meanwhile, her male buddies were butting horns, monohorns with no separation. They reminded me of big NFL linemen. And when they'd get too rowdy, an older buff would come over and break them up. Once on the reserve two locked horns, couldn't free themselves, and died that way. And they are the most dangerous, some weighing in at one ton.

We had a close encounter with a musky male elephant, dangerous in his own right. He walked directly at our vehicle, so our driver allowed him to take the rode. In the jungle, the larger rules the road or dirt path as it was. We never saw one trumpet, and I guess that was good. But like the buffalo, we saw a ton of elephants at three different locales.

So now you know. Until we saw all the buffalo at Phinda, we thought we might have to count a carcass of a buffalo we saw at Chobe in Botswana. After a recent lion kill. We could see lion tracks, but no lion that day. So I guess the lions are pretty tough, too, and don't always lose out.

IT HAD TO HAPPEN

You knew it, if you're a reader of my blogs. I'd have to write about politics. So if you don't care to share my views, then click on One Way, my other blog. It's not political today.

Mr. Obama has a catch slogan, "The time for change has come." Trouble is, the other day on the stump, he made a mis-statement and pronounced, "The time for come has change." And you probably never read or heard or certainly saw it on tv, now did you?

And that's my gripe. Goodness, anyone can make a mistake speaking in public. I have no problem with that. But why is it when Dan Quayle told a student at a grade school that she had misspelled potato when she hadn't, that that made national news? People still remember that today. They associate that and equate it with Mr. Quayle's intelligence. Even when the textbook he was handed, with answers, stated that potato had an e at the end of it.

My point: let's be fair. Want more examples? You got 'em.

Mr. Bush #43 gets criticized for his pronunciation of nuclear, which he calls nucular. But I never heard anyone except me and my five year old son at the time laugh at Mr. Carter for pronouncing it nukeyur (nu-key-ur).

Need more? What about Gore (I've had enough of all the misters) claiming to have invented the internet? And he's awarded a Nobel Peace Prize? And we're going to believe him about global warming? And he wins an Oscar? Well, maybe that makes more since, but it wasn't under the category of fiction.

One more, then I have to go. What about Clinton's famous line, "It depends on what the meaning of is is?" Ok, that got a little more play. But it deserved it. The meaning of is? That Zen-like stuff. Oh well, I'm just afraid the last two examples would have been hashed/rehashed/warmed over and reported numerous times if a Republican had made those kinds of gaffs.

Peter Petrelli for Prez? Naugh, but he is good on Heroes. And we definitely need a hero in the White House in 2009.

ANOTHER VACATION STORY?

Hey, I figure if I had to endure three weeks in Africa, my loyal reader(s) will have to endure three weeks of stories. Just kidding. But here's one more.

We didn't have the best suite on the ship. It was on deck 5, lower than we prefer, and it was near the tail end of the ship. For non-cruisers, mid-ship is much better. Also, it wasn't the largest ship in the world, having only 285 guests. So what does that all mean?

Seasickness. Despite Sea Bands, which are wrist bands worn on each wrist with an indented button strategically placed, two to three fingers above the pulse. Despite Sea Bands and Dramamine. When we were going from the Atlantic to Indian Ocean, the waves were protesting. And so was my stomach.

We had been to a non-denom church service on the ship on Christmas night. When we returned to the room for me to put on a tie to go to dinner (yes, it was one of those kinds where they like for the guests to play dress-up), our daughter informed us that she was feeling ill and to go on without her. Within 5 minutes, I was ripping off my shirt and heading to the bathroom myself.

No Christmas goose for us. My wife, ever conscious of multi-caloried meals, kindly chose to stay with us, skipping a great meal. She suffered no ill effects but decided to wear her Sea Bands, too.

Poor baby, TQ. But what about Hairspray? Our granddaughter loves the movie. Her Dad being the good dad he is, took her and her friends to see the movie at least two times. It was playing on the tv during my illness. It was so annoying. It made my stomach turn even more. Well not as bad as side to side rocking mingled in with the big wave right under you that lifts and then proceeds to drop you. Those are the worst.

These waves and the winds could not compare to the ones we had last year just off the Falkland Islands. Now they were monsters. But they, along with Hairspray sure knew how to ruin a good Christmas night and day after.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME

I mean I haven't blogged since last year. Since December 14. So what's been going on?

Well, I've been out of the land. I went to South Africa for 3 weeks. I thought I'd get a chance to blog, but it didn't happen. I Christmased there and New Yeared there. And it was a blast. (I know blast is not too hip now, but great and amazing fall short, and I never took to "the bomb".)

So why no pictures of the Big 5 or the Big Six if you count the cheetah? Why The Fonz?

We went on three different safaris--one at Chobe in Zimbabwe, one at Phina in South Africa, and one at Addo in Botswana, maybe. The more I think about it, the one at Chobe was in Botswana. And one of the six people at Chobe that we were with for three days there and two additional weeks was The Fonz's German teacher at Emerson College. Now that's cool to have taught The Fonz. He also taught Jay Leno, but I didn't want to get in the middle of the Writer's Guild strike, so I didn't pick out a picture of him.

So that's where I've been. Along with my wife who orchestrated the trip when I said I'd like to go there. We were joined by our daughter for almost two weeks, she of vacation time limits. Our son, also limited by vacation time and a big family had to stay put, but hopefully down the road he'll catch up or pass us in travels. So for now, it's souvenirs and having to hear about our adventures and just how close that cape buffalo was to me.

The way God made the planet, it is 25,000 miles around. That means the farthest one can be from any given point to the next is 12, 500 miles. On the top of Table Mountain In Cape Town, there is a chart that shows from there to Los Angeles is nearly 10,000 miles. So I guess we were about that far away. I know it seemed about as far away as one could get when we logged 24 hours air time getting back to terra firma in AZ.