WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE AND ALL THE WEATHER STINKS

You'd think it was January or something. It's cold in AZ. I had to cover plants like kangaroo paws, pansies, and some white things because of a threatened frost. It's supposed to be 29 tonight.

When the temperaturre hit 57 last night, we decided to stay home and eat spaghetti instead of venturing out into the cold night air for all you can eat cod at Starfire Golf Course. Of course, I threw a log on the fire as I watched some guy gamble on $330,000 on a game show. He won some more before wising up. Greed, greed.

The Midwest looks like it's bracing itself for my favorite Winter weather--freezing rain. And just in time for the World Champion Cardinals Winter Warm Up.

So why the picture of the Maldives? Weather permitted us from going ashore there. So we sat in Falkland Islands waters (at least they stamped our passports) on Christmas Eve while the old ship rocked and lurched and bumped and jumped sending me, armed with wrist bands cutting into my skin with a pressure point little dot, to bed. No food for me after a light lunch. TQ meet seasickness.

The point of the story is that you can't escape bad weather for long. No matter where you go, it'll find you. So sit back, find a Good Book or a good book, watch the NFL Playoffs (even if it is the same teams year after year, what parity?) and chill.

HEY, IT WORKED FOR ME

I keep thinking--just one more blog about our trip. And I keep blogging about our trip to South America.

If you've never taken a cruise or are considering your first, my suggestion would be Oceania. The food alone makes it a better cruise. Plus the size--862 passengers, compared to over 3,000 on one cruise we took.

But the food. My wife estimated that I consumed 8 whole lobsters in 26 days at sea. They were from Maine and very tasty. In addition, to all the other high calorie stuff, I knew I couldn't work out that much to curb significant weight gain, so I vowed to eat like the guys in the picture. Ok, you know that's not true. I skipped or ate only an apple for lunch.

Surprisingly it worked. At least the scales showed a two pound weight loss for me after the cruise. Now, let's see two pounds a month; hey, if I can cruise till 2012, I would be in good shape. Either that or spend some significant time in Sheriff Joe's Tent City.

THE BAGPIPER PLAYS TAPS

On Tuesday I teed it up for the first time since our 29 days out of the country. I expected problems. They didn't occur. Oh, my score card did show two double bogies on par threes when I was just off the green on one and in a trap on the other, but overall a very good round. I was drawing the ball, hitting good drives, knocking down putts.

Until yesterday. Another course. Another day. Struggles from the second hole on where my third shot on a long par five hit an in-ground box housing sprinkler heads and careened far into another fairway. From then on and including that hole, putts lipped out, putts rolled over the hole, putts looked into the hole and decided better, and I had a miserable golf day.

Even on the last hole where I hit one of my better shots of the day, a wedge from 100 yards over water surrounding a peninsula green with six or seven tennis players urging me, the ball hit just right and kept rolling not into the hole, but close and then just off the green. They still cheered for me. One of my foursome told them they should have seen the rest of my shots.

Maybe because of my ancestry I have always liked bagpipes. Maybe because of her ancestry my wife doesn't. And when I see a picture like the one on my blog, I'm reminded of them being played at Payne Stewart's funeral. They could have run that clip for my sad game yesterday.

SOME CRIED FOR ARGENTINA

When we cruise, we go on excursions or tours. Sometimes we explore a city on our own. And that's what we did in Buenos Aires. Maybe that was a good thing.

On one of the tours, as an older couple got off the bus, their Rolexs shining in the sun, they were mugged for their watches. One mugger was caught by a retired Seattle policeman. But he could only capture one. The older man who was mugged, suffered contusions and abrasions and was taken to a hospital.

Another couple was mugged or shaken down or robbed in the cemetery where Evita Peron is housed. (Well, it's a mausoleum, so she and the other Perons aren't buried there--maybe entombed is the word.)

So while I was struggling, along with our daughter, to find the Spanish words and expressions I had forgotten from high school and college Spanish, at least we were safe. Actually, I never felt uneasy or threatened anywhere in Latin America. But I did receive a monumental headache after having translated to our Spanish speaking cab driver for three hours.

Also, I can see how the cemetery in Buenos Aires could be a great spot for crime. It's huge with rows and avenues of ancient tombs of all sizes, mostly large. Evita's is hard to find. No signs indicating the way. I had to ask a caretaker, in Spanish of course, where it was. Then we told another couple the location. But evil could easily lurk behind corners in this area approximately the size of downtown MTV to the high school.

So when you visit another country, leave your jewelry at home. Replace it with a phrase book at least or it's "lo siento" for you.

THE COLORFUL AMERICA

South America has color galore. It seems as if they conspire to get just the right effect, even in the barrios. This picture was taken in Italy, and one way you can tell it's not Chile, for example, is that there are not a lot of high rises due to eathquakes.

Don't get me wrong:there are hotels with many floors, but not too many low priced homes or apartments rise to the sky unless they were built with earthquake proof plans in mind.

Another reason you can tell this is not South America is that I don't have the tech ability to get or scan our pictures. Someday, maybe.

In our AZ home, we are under the watch of an HOA who determine what colors our houses can be painted. We have to get their pemission even to paint it the same color. But I think it must have started in Latin America anyway(s).

The tango section of Buenos Aires is very similar to the colors in the picture. Uruguay also claims to have invented the tango, but if they have a section in Montevideo, they didn't show it to us. So I'm going with Argentina as home to the tango. But then again, who really cares? As far as Argentina or Uruguay, color them both tango. Just be sure to get permission.

IPANEMA BEACH IN BRAZIL (WELL, IT COULD BE)

Days before we got to Ipanema I was singing the 60's song about the girl from Ipanema. She wasn't there when we were. But that's about all that was missing.

When we first got to the beach, there was a guy from our hotel, the Cesar Plaza right across the street from the beach, who offered us free lounge chairs, with optional umbrella. Preferring to walk on the beach and get a feel of the place we turned him down initially. But Ipanema is a tough beach to walk on with severe slope and thick sand, so we returned shortly to take him up on his offer.

And that's when the fun began. There were maybe fifteen sets of lounge chairs and blue umbrellas denoting the name of the hotel. Thus, easy prey for beach vendors. For an uninterrupted two hours we were offered drinks, shirts, maize, shrimp, sunglasses, jewelry, ice cream, guava, (which is great right out of the melon), religous icons, etc., etc.

One of the coolest was the pineapple man who carried a huge basket on his head filled with pineapples. He would take a small machete type knife, cut his pineapple into fourths, throw the remainders into his head basket and serve the pineapple to his customers. He was so smooth and fruit really tastes like fruit in Latin America.

Another guy with a four piece band, three of the pieces being drums, approached me and would not go away until I did a little dance for him. But only after my wife said,"Everybody's looking at you." Then I had to give him some money, of course. But it was fun, and I gladly did it to get them away from us.

There was some other activity, too. Despite the presence of nearby police it continued, but not in a threatening manner at all. Some things are better left ignored.

But as Sally used to say in the Register-News, "a good time was had by all." At night, the beach was well lit, though we were told not to venture there after hours. Even at 4:30 am, when I looked outside, there were still lots of people sitting around some of the stands just off the beach. I wonder if the girl from there, now older than I, ever showed up?

AT LEFT, A BED BUG

One great thing about cruises is that it means packing and unpacking one time. Another is not having to check in hotels you're not familiar with. Hotels that have poor or no ac. Hotels that have never heard of a no smoking room. Noisy hotels. Even bed bug hotels.

Now I've never seen a bed bug. Couldn't find one for an insect collection required by high school biology. But of course everyone's heard of "sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite." I'm sure young kids really feel more comfortable by hearing that advice.

I remember our church custodian (Harry Purnell) at our wedding told me my new bride was "as cute as a bed bug's ear". Now why I remember that I don't know, but I agreed with him. And still do.

On the last night of our cruise, they took our robes and left us well, robeless. They had to get ready for the new cruisers the next morning when we had to be off the ship by 9:00. They stacked new sheets on a shelf to expediate their early morning work preparing all the cabins.

So before we went to sleep, we put on the new sheets. Piled the old ones in a corner and slept on brand new sheets. We knew our room stewardess wouldn't bother changing them and might even appreciate our efforts. And if we had any bed bugs, they would be passed on to the next cruisers who were fortunate enough to have our room.

Ok, I made that last story up about the sheets. But it could have happened. And you could get bed bugs. And it'll give you something to think about when you're on the road or at sea.