MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD. I MEAN IT'S BEEN ALMOST 15 HOURS NOW

That's right, I got a hole-in-one yesterday. Here are the details. Playing one of my favorite courses, Desert Canyon in Fountain Hills, with some of my favorite people, wife C and friend Carol, I knocked one in from the tips on Number 7, a par three 160-yard hole. I used an eight-iron because I was shooting to a green below. The ball hit and ran as C and I took turns saying, "get in the hole," and suddenly Caroline said, "It did!"

Our yelling called back a threesome in front of us who waited for the two ladies to hit before one man walked over, looked into the hole and announced, "It's in there. I work here. I'm a witness, too."

It wasn't quite as exciting as my first one in Illinois in 2001, but it was awfully close. You see, my first ace at Green Hills Golf Club in MTV was slam dunk, tearing a little bit of the cup as it went in on the fly. My wife was with me then, too, as we were playing Couples League. Coincidentally, it was also on a Friday. It was also with an eight iron. That time from 132 yards.

This time I was using a Taylor Made ball: in 2001 a Titleist. That was a detail I forgot, but I won't forget many others about "the shot heard 'round my world." After Carol took two pictures of me grinning on the green, we had to leave the hole I now love. We called the kids from the next tee box. Carol called her son with the news and he congratulated me. We had friends who had played an hour earlier and they were waiting for us in the clubhouse for a delicious steak dinner. I called regular playing partner Bob with the news. He was happy for me and sorry he wasn't along.

All was good. Well, except for the next hole--I double bogeyed.

THE AUCTIONS IN SCOTTSDALE ARE OVER FOR ANOTHER YEAR

With over $100 million dollars spent on just the Russo-Steele and Barrett-Jackson. With wall-to-wall tv coverage on the Speed Channel. With traffic jams and full restaurants and hotels.

I've never been to the auction just three miles away, much to the chagrin of my brother, an Illinoisan who relishes Dusenbergs and Model A's and any old time car, restored or not. He would find beauty in one not restored to perfection. He once told me how many different cars he had owned in his lifetime and it numbered in the hundreds.

His little brother, me, has had much, much fewer cars. And have probably felt fond of only a few.

But I watched part of the auction. I watched two guys bid on a prototype Corvette that went for $1.6 million. Wow! And that didn't touch the one that went for $5.5 million last year. This years sales at BJ alone were $88 million, down from $120 million last year. Blame it on President Bush, I guess.

I didn't see the Beverly Hillbilly's car that was auctioned. I hope somebody in my 'hood bought it. I'd like to see it being driven down the street. But I don't think that happens. They go to heated, cooled, climate controlled garages suited for such royalty. I didn't see the old coke truck pictured here, either, but that would be cool to see, too.

So in another 360 days or so, we'll see another automobile auction. We won't quite have a new President though he/she will have been voted in. With all the promises I'm hearing in the debates, I'm sure we'll have a much better auction that more can participate in as spectators and as bidders. It's our right, you know. And if free enterprise won't allow it, our government will assist.

YOU GOTTA LOVE 'EM

Green Bay Packer fans. Simply the best football fans in the nation. Ok, Cowboy fans, you're close, and it's not your fault that warmer climes don't force you, at least too often, to face the throes of nature to root on your team. But when you sit in Lambeau with your Title Town sunglasses on looking like something out of Dr. Zhivago, then I have to give the nod to them.

As far as other cold weather fans in New England or Buffalo, forget about it. You're not even close. And any fair weather or dome fans, well you don't even hit the radar scene. Except for two St. Louis Ram fans from LA who appear in the Ed Jones Dome in St. Lou once a year or so. They simply wear a watermelon on their heads. For what reason? But they're creative, loyal to a franchise that dissed their fair city, and lovable.

New York Giant fans? C'mon. You should at least have to play in the same state that bears your team name. Same for the Jets, though the simple, "Go Jets," is kinda cool.

I know Chicago Bears fans will be kicking about not getting their names mentioned, and they are great fans. Da Bears are kinda lovable themselves now that that championship team of McMahon and the Fridge are gone. They came in second to the most obnoxious football team in recent years. The winner, of course, the New England Cheatriots. But that's rather negative, and this was to be an uplifting pre-Super Bowl 42 entry.

Dog pounders--I haven't forgotten about you, and yes you along with Chiefs fans are in the top eschelon. Even some Viking fans are pretty cool in their attire. Speaking of which, Charger fans have the best uniforms to cheer for, followed by the Rams and Colts.

Somehow the fans that bother me a lot are the Seahawk fans. They just yell, standing out there in the Seattle rain and cold, but they have no personality or uniqueness. They just yell. Kinda like Raider fans. What's your purpose? To look like thugs? I don't get it. Darryl Lamonica and George Blanda weren't like that.

And then there are the Cardinal fans. All three of them. They get to sit in the best stadium in the country and cheer a team that will break their hearts. Not just on Sundays. On draft day. On pre-season games, on any publicity they try to generate. On parking and getting out of Glendale, Az. You'll see what I mean if you get a ticket for the Super Bowl. Two fifty-yard line tickets are going for $8,500 each. Enjoy the show. And feel a little sorry for the Pack fans who wanted to be there instead of in the frozen North.

HOLLY UNTIL

Rather than Holly Golightly. That was one of my high school girlfriends. Until, not Golightly. Although she might have been called Gooutrarely.

You see, all of high school girlfriends could have had the same last name---Until. Why? I was just looking for someone else. Always. So since there never was a real Holly Until, I just grouped all the girls into one and called her Holly Until. So while I was with one of them, it was only on a short-term basis. Until I found somebody else.

I imagined that having someone/anyone was better than having no one. Something about being too accessible. Too available. So when some well-intentioned wanted to fix me up with someone, I'd usually give it a shot. There were limitations, though. Especially around high school dances. I mean you had to have your pictures taken with them.

So that pretty much sums up my dating life from 1963-66. And what did my dates call me? Ted Isn'tthereanybodyelse?

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE TV DUST

Maybe it wasn't a great race, but the Amazing Race Season 12 is over. Which gives me one less tv show to watch. I'm not sure why I like the show; I think it's just one of the tolerables.

Racing around the world is good idea. Having lots of different kinds of teams is good theater, too. But some of the footing they choose to air is questionable to me. And would someone please tell them they are being filmed and watch their language. What is cool about bleeps?

Even though cab drivers are vital to the success of the contestants, it's not the most exciting thing to watch. Certainly luck is involved and if you've ever gotten a cabbie in a big city, you simply know the risk. But don't dwell on it.

And please, never have a show where it's a non-disqualification round. I mean why did we watch? It reminds me of the All-Star game in Major League baseball where the game ended in a tie. There has to be a winner and loser at this level.

Finally, T.K. and his girl were so laid back, it was kinda cool to see them win. I liked the grandson, but the grandad had a language problem, and often took on the tough physical tasks that should have been reserved for his grandson, but overall, they were an ok team. The Asians were not my faves. The father said some funny things, but he was such a jerk. Even in the last episode he said, "Now when I tell my daughter I love her, I truly mean it." What? What kind of father is that? Also, she was pretty sneaky. When the blondes did similar coniving things, they were labeled bad, but she got away with it.

Oh, well. When season 13 gets started, I'll be there. Something about slim pickin's.

TIME TO GET OUT OF PHINDA

And I didn't want to pick my color of cobra either. Though, if pushed, I guess I would have picked an orange one to stick his venom into me.

When we arrived at Phinda Game Lodge in South Africa, our guide told us that the day before they had spotted a cobra at the Number 1 guest house. Or near the house in the woods along the dirt path.

"No worries, though, since Number 5 is the closest any of you are staying in," he added. "And some of you are as far away as Number 10."

Yes, my wife and I had drawn Number 5, our daughter Number 10. But they weren't all that far apart by any means. A short walk around a twist path with heavy trees and foliage all around. I think a cobra can move pretty fast, too.

No, we didn't see him. Just a scorpion, a nyala, some baboons, and a kudu: the nyala and kudu, big antelopes. They were all on or just off the path. Some huge spiders, too, with their equally huge webs. Late at night or in the early morning dew, some spider nests were just outstanding to view. (Well, they were too big just to call them webs.)

So I guess I'll just have to order a decal for my cobra. But that's the way I prefer it. Africa: cobra-free. It has a nice ring to it.

WHAT TURNS YOUR CRANK?

Former high school principal Jim Shiflett used that term when addressing the student body once. He was a big guy, and if I caused his crank to be turned, well, it would have been by accident.

Lots of things these days make my crank turn. Or at least make me cranky. Let me begin.

1. People who are enthusiastic about January 2009 when we get a new Prez. Are you kidding me? Who out there on either side is there to get excited about?

2. Movies. Why aren't there more that I want to see? Why all the pessimism? language? weird stuff? just negativeness? It reminds me of movies from the 70's when you'd walk out of the theatre puzzled by what you had seen?

3. Jealousy. Why can't people not worry about what someone else has? Why can't they be thankful for what they do have? It used to be trying to keep up with the Joneses. Now it's let's tear down the Joneses.

4. Sports. My teams are in a rut. Even the Suns are a grumbling bunch. Every weekend, it's the same. Whoever I'm rooting for loses. So I'm ready for the Giants and Patsies to win this afternoon, because I want the Pack and Bolts to. At least North Carolina lost yesterday.

5. The weather. Man, we've had more frosts in AZ this year alone than in the past several. I know, it's 5 degrees in St. Lou today and snow in the South. And I wish it were better weather there, too. And why do weathermen and women have to be so happy about crummy forecasts?

I have a few more, but hey, I don't want to get your crank in a wad. Oh, well, there's nothing like a mixed simile.