HOME SWEET STATE

We're getting quite the reputation in Arizona. To review: we are racists, we are ethnocentric, and we love our guns more than our family. Since we are the reddest of the red states, that means were are short in intellect. We live in a big sandy desert: how smart can we be?

Flat Stanley arrived in Arizona recently. If you don't know him, he's a cut-out figure who likes to help primary students from other parts of the country learn about the rest of our land. He likes to have his picture taken with landmarks and everyday items that make each place unique. It's a much better way to teach geography than rotre learning.

Stanley found that Arizona has lots of mountains, too. Along with lakes, many which are man-made. They get much of their water from snow melt in the higher elevations.

In the desert he saw many cacti or cactuses (either is correct) and had his first picture taken by a huge saguaro (pronounced sah.war.o with the first syllable accented). The saguaros are only native to certain parts of Mexico and Arizona, though some have been taken and transplanted in California. The saguaro is the one with the big arms, sometimes numbering seven or eight. It takes 75 years for the saguaro to sprout its first arm. They can grow to about 40 feet tall and live for 200 years.

The inside is very woody. He saw a wreath made of the inside of the cactus and he thought it was pretty cool to have his picture made standing in the wreath.

Other trees are acacia, ironwood, evergreens, palms, and of course fruit trees. Oranges, grapefruit, and lemon trees are numerous.

He also found that in the valley of the sun (it's called that because of sunshine 330 days a year ) there are lots of golf courses. Nearly 200 in the area.

He learned that Phoenix is the 5th largest city in the country. Copper mines, gold and silver mines, cattle ranches, Indian reservations--today called Native American nations, cotton farms, national forests, cowboys-- well, he learned that Arizona has a lot to offer.

Rattlesnakes, coyotes, bobcats, javalinas (wild pigs), along with water fowl are some of the wildlife, too. And stars. Most nights are clear and if you go away from the city and as one church I know did have a service "under the stars", you can appreciate the beauty of God's wonderful creation.

When Stanley returned, he found out we weren't such a bad place to live at all. It was a valuable lesson for him to learn, that things are not always as reported by tv and newspapers.

THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL BROUGHT TO YOU BY CARMEX

I hear we're broke again. It's hard not to write broken but since I made a rare who/whom mis-usage yesterday, I figured I had better be more grammatically correct.

Our country, I mean. Surprise! How can all that spending catch up to us?

My solution is to sell sponsorships. Why not start at the nation's capital where those politicians get us in all this debt anyway?

Carmex would be the perfect sponsor for the Lincoln (get it?) Memorial. For the Korean War, Kia. You see, it makes perfect sense and it brings in more money to be spent in our country's coffers. Well, you didn't think I would offer an idea that might just lower our indebtedness did you? If they can't or won't do it, why do you think I would.

So here is a list of White House occupants I have seen in person. Gerald Ford, Roselyn Carter, Ronald and Nancy Reagan, George H. W. and Barbara Bush, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama. Gerald and George H.W. and Barbara shook my hand--that's why I can call them by their first names.

In today's mail I was invited to meet George W. Bush, but it would cost me $500. I recently hit a button on FaceBook that said I like him, but I don't think I like him that much. But his book Decision Points is a must read.

See, my idea about charging for our national treasures may not be that far off the mark. Let's see; would it be left or right of the mark?

POOR GUY

Anyone in that much obvious pain is in the world today. So what specifically do you think has angered/outraged/sickened him so?

Of course I can only speculate. Of course I will.

1. He's reacting to the USA's continual decline in morality, foreign affairs, the economy, the trillion dollar debt, the apologies to other nations for America.....

2. He's no longer able to contain his emotions about clothing, hair styles, and current music....

3. He's no longer looking forward to the opening of the baseball season since he's a Cardinal fan and they haven't signed Pujols to an extension--predicted by me in an earlier blog entry; one of the owners, Mr. Bauer died this week, by all accounts a great guy and owner; Waino, Number 50 is out for the season, he was only the best starter in the NL; some player by the name of Jonny Gnomes (no kidding) a Redleg rival, was jubilantly celebrating the news by repeating in song "Wainsright's gone, Wainright's gone, Wainright's gone."....

4. He's railing over the bad, bad weather almost nationally from record cold to snowfall, to tornadoes, to earthquakes, did I say snow?...

Or maybe he just watched JLO on Idol last night and empathized. (But I'm not dissing her or the other two judges whom I think are the best in the show's history. Sorry about the disclaimer denouement, but I felt for Chris M. and that they had to choose to send home, too.)

And while I swallowed a few times, I didn't get misty-eyed. And certainly held my emotions in check better than the one pictured.

ON THE LINKS

The shadow of a red tail hawk

Marked my golf ball as it lay

In all its bright whiteness,

Smack in the middle of the fairway.

I took one club higher than I used to hit

An approach shot of 155 yards

To an elevated, undulated pristine green.

Why one more?

No wind. No body turn. No strength. No more.

It flew high into the Western blue.

"Get there," I pleaded

As the ball flew over a huge green guarding bunker.

It did upon request.

Its resting momentary place, close to the pin.

Birdie time, I thought, mentally licking my chops.

The putt, stubborn as a co-ed, didn't drop.

Still a par, I surmised.

The cup remained open a second time, unfulfilled.

It wasn't my last 3-putt of the day.

The hawk, a harbinger, or an albatross

Glided over the Kierland course,

Caring nothing of my ill fortune.

THE RATE

Or A Shared Story.

Our Pastor shared a story Sunday morning that makes so much sense, yet something he and I and a few other millions never thought about.

Since I've given him 100% credit for the story, I don't think he'd mind my sharing.

When his son was 11, he asked if he could see a PG-13 movie. It was rated PG-13 for violence. Pastor Jamie considered it and called a movie buff friend of his to ask about the movie.

Dave, his friend, replied that if Hollywood, with all its secular and decadent people, had put the rating at PG-13, didn't he think that as parents they might just want to take a more conservative approach in selecting suitable movies?

"Duh," Jamie responded. Why hadn't he thought of that. I concur 100%.

When he informed his son of his decision, naturally he was disappointed, leaving Jamie to tell him he could see a PG-11 movie.

"Dad, they don't have that rating," the boy answered.

"When they do, let me know, and we'll talk about whether or not you may see it," was the father's response.

Like most good stories, it made a point. In this day, when just watching prime time tv with anyone not 18, can be embarrassing. In fact, sometimes when we've had family and guests in our family room in front of the tv, it was still embarrassing because of the vulgarity ( I know; that's just a word used by old people, but it's the most accurate description of what goes on that I can think of) and innuendo. Even in the commercials.

So, there is your morality compass for the day. If Hollywood, or whoever rates the movies, says it's PG-13, then we should follow them to the letter. But still find out about the movie before allowing them to view.

I know I'm not supposed to be rude. But. There are a few things bothering me. Simple, nothing earth-shattering, nothing serious, but just like the hair on the back of your neck after a fresh haircut. Like the plastic thread in tags on clothes that rubs you where you don't want. Like the particle caught in your teeth after brushing, flossing, digging, gouging, squishing, sloshing that won't touch the impediment.

So let me get started. Last night before heading to bed, I read a FaceBook post touting the song "Sugar, Sugar," one of my all-times most detested songs. I rudely shared my feelings with the poster, whose feelings I hurt. But I usually compliment him, so after a brief reply of apology, no harm done. Earlierhe had posted about "Conjunction Junction" which helped him learn grammar.

I don't know if he knows or not, but it's almost never grammatically correct to say, "I felt badly". I've addressed this before. It's "I felt bad." The only exception, repeat the only exception is if one has lost the sense of feeling in his fingers. Ok. No more, then do I expect to hear or read that from anyone who knows me.

A little over a week ago, our neighborhood had our annual Spring party. This year it was a "Fifties Party". Unfortunately, not about our ages, but about the 1950's. Music was sung, some featuring Elvis.

At our table, "Love Me Tender" was sung affectionately by one current across the street neighbor to our former next door neighbor. Both men. It was very funny and since I observed it, I will be laughing to myself about it for a long time. Without knowing these two guys, it won't even seem funny to any of my readers, but trust me, it was. Now, what bothered me is once again the grammar. It should be "Love Me Tenderly." Love is an action verb (I know, unrequited, it's inaction, but the only other kind of verb is linking, and unrequited is not linking), so an adverb, ending in -ly is required. Elvis wrong after all these years? You bet.

So those are my gripes. Or you could say I can't get no satisfaction today.