PEZ--WHAT A RIP

Ok, so Mr. Ugly is kinda cool. And he's kinda old since he doesn't have any feet. And he's worth some dough--$51 on the current ebay auction.

But Pez the candy is terrible. I know I used to eat them, too, but no more. There are some things I can pass up. Pez is one of them.

I mean they're not even made from good sugar. Now what that means I don't know, but the taste is sugary sweet and it's not as good as most candy.

I should be glad I don't like Pez. What a Pez is anyway(s)? I mean what does it mean? Oh well. I know what cookies mean. And I know I cannot pass up an iced sugar cookie for anything.

A RENAISSANCE MAN

Today a cabinet door. Yesterday a vacuum. I'm really becoming he handyman around the house these days.

Not really. I'm so inapt with mechanical things. I'm not much better at puzzles, crosswords maybe. My problem is my focus.

I view things like that as a waste of time. Therefore, I hurry, lose interest, lose patience. "let me get this done, so I can get to something I enjoy," is my philosophy. It's kinda like wishing away the work week to get to the weekend. If you have a great weekend, it just flies by. If it's bad, it's like the work week. Only worse because of unexpected dire results.

Oh well, now that I'm retired there's not much difference between the real days as my son used to call them and the weekends. Except I get by without doing any work on Sundays. Except cheering for my sports teams.

Maybe I'll look for that old Rubik's cube and practice my patience. And manual dexterity. It's also a matter of confidence. If I find that cube, it won't look like the picture for long.

YEP, IT'S THAT COLD HERE

And no one is feeling to sorry for us Phoenicians. It snowed two Sundays ago. We've had killer, killer frosts; it hailed yesterday.

In our HOA Newsletter yesterday it said that as many as 3/4 of the ficus, bougainvilleas, box shrubs will not survive this cold spell. And nothing kills bougainvilleas.

They are saying our current cold is from a low that has come down from British Columbia. Are you serious? We've never had to fear BC weather or influence.

So what's a guy to do? Layer that clothing, toss in an umbrella, and head to the first tee this morning at Tonto Verde at 9:51. And endure.

LIFESAVERS AND LIFEGUARDS

One time I sat and talked for quite a while to a lifeguard while she was working. Another time a friend and I got paid for painting the Country Club pool. But that's about it as far as lifesaving and lifeguarding as I got.

My wife got closer. She actually saved a life. At least for awhile.

Midnight the cat didn't last long for us when we lived in the Midwest. He showed up. We fed him. He'd bring us his kills, mostly chipmunks.

One sunny day we were in the pool when Midnight chased a little rabbit who had no where else to go but into the pool to escape cat clutches. Not to worry, CQ paddled her raft over, grabbed the rabbit by the nap of his neck and pulled him from the water.

He was saved from drowning. Midnight stood there amazed. He simply could not figure out what happened to that rabbit.

He was a good hunter though, so I'm not sure how long the rabbit survived. But the optimist that I am, I figure he's still around back in the woods enjoying all his great great great grandrabbits. Maybe he's still telling the story.

MEMORY

I'm not sure when my memory started waning. I think it was a long time ago. I remember fellow teacher, Mr. Blair remembering stuff that had happened to me that I had long forgotten. And that was 20 years ago.

I can remember where most of my students sat during my first five years of teaching or so. In fact I can remember where most of my high school English IV class sat. But five months or so after I retired I ran into one of my student assistants that I had had the last semester I taught and I couldn't remember her name. (I do remember sharing this info in an earlier blog.) I had had both of her parents in class and I could recall their names, just not hers.

And that's just people. Movies--I'm terrible about. A Hard Day's Night, of course I saw it. And can tell you nothing about it except that the Beatles ran around a lot in the movie. I'm that way with current ones, too, and books, and golf courses. I'm playing a course today that I've played probably 15 times, but can't remember how to get there. (In my defense, the Phoenix area has over 200 courses now, and I've played at least 65 of them in various locales such as Buckeye, Avondale, Cave Creek, et al.) I can remember the first 5 holes or so, and that's good for me. One of my friends will be talking about a particular hole on a particular course and I will have no recall of the "par 3 over water with the huge trap on the left and drop off on the back".

So while I'm great on birthdays ( I've never missed anybody's) and other trivial stuff (Junior Spivey was signed to play second base for the Cardinals, Tim Kearney was a middle linebacker for the St. Louis Cardinals), I fail miserably in other areas of memory.

Selective memory lapse or loss would be great. I'm not so sure about that gaps in mine though.

I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS

You know, when your lips explode. Basically there are only four reasons.

1. Too much hot sauce on those wings. The Redbird Inn at the old Busch Stadium had the hottest wings I ever scalded my mouth, including roof, with. Once you left the restaurant, they really started getting hot.

2. Too much colegen, or whatever that stuff is that Julia Roberts popularized years ago to give her skinny upper lip a fuller look. Maybe she should have pumped some of that junk in the lobe of her brain that relates to acting ability.

3. Too much time in the Summer or Winter without lip balm or lipstick. When I first saw a videotape of myself teaching a class, I noticed how much I licked my lips. Not out of nervousness, just a bad habit. Since that time, many moons ago, you usually won't catch me without some kind of lip balm in my pocket. And sometimes my lips still explode like this.

4. Too much bad sleep. After a night of tossing and wild dreams, I've awakened with a taste that indescribable. Something like I've eaten dead badger. Or something like what the Hoff tasted in "Click", a very funny Sandler movie. If I could get to the mirror quickly enough, I'm sure it would reveal blown up lips as well.

There you have it. The only possible reasons for such a picture that come to mind right now.