A LOOK TO THE FUTURE

In 1968 who would have thunk that today Goldie Hawn would be fashionable? Tattoos or simply tats have enjoyed their greatest numbers ever. The question why reverberates.

From one of the Idol female finalists to the NBA and college hoop ranks, tats are everywhere. Not just one. Oh, no. They are displayed on the human billboard as communicative expressions of who we are. Goldie, here is not that all unique anymore.

As one who never cared much for needles (case in point, I once had a crown put on a tooth without any Novocaine block. Note I said once) it boggles my mind to think of the pain to have some picture or slogan needled/scratched on my arm, leg, neck, hand, back, etc. And, I mean etcetera.

Maybe the business mind in me is responsible for this thought: why not sell spaces on your body for advertisements? Race car drivers have done it for years on their clothing and more recently pro golfers have gone billboard. So why not prostitute your body and get paid for your tats?

Gosh, I hope nobody takes me seriously. Penzoil written on a forearm is just wrong. I think the only tattoo I liked was famous for saying "da plane, da plane".

BEST SONGS ALL TIME

Letterman made famous the Top Ten. If I were making a Top Ten list of the best songs of all time, it would go something like this:

Number 10--When a Man Loves a Woman, Percy Sledge. I better warn you now: most are love songs. This one says it all in a soulful manner. "Sleep out in the rain if she said that's the way it will be." How dedicated, how cool is that?

Number 9--I Can Only Imagine, Mercy Me. A contemporary Christian song that speaks of what he will do when he sees Jesus face to face. If you don't know the lyrics, then look it up; you'll be glad you did. It will make you feel good. It will make you cry.

Number 8--Happy Birthday To You, Millions. As my wife says,"Singing that song makes everybody happy." Except when they do it at Applebys and other establishments. And that's why it's only #8.

Number 7--Mack The Knife, Bobby Darin. Some crazy lyrics, but what a tune. A great dance song.

Number 6--You've Lost That Loving Feeling, The Righteous Brothers. What a heartbreaker. Unmatched vocal depths, even if it took two to reach the maximum high and low octaves.

Number 5--Yesterday, The Beatles. I've never thought it got enough credit for being the greatest ballad of all time. When it's rainy outside, this song just makes the dreary mood stay.

Number 4--Michelle, The Beatles. You knew there had to be another from the greatest group of all time.

Number 3--We are the Champions, Queen. I'm not sure that's even the title, but it's still played at all the important games when championships are won and trophies handed out. As a guy who had turned on his radio against FAA regulations and sat an aisle from me announced on a plane flight from San Diego to Phoenix in 2001, "I don't know what happened, but we must have won--they're playing Queen," and the passengers erupted when the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees for the World Championship. And they're still playing it.

Number 2--(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction, The Rolling Stones. The best song ever with a double negative in its title. A great song that explains a lot about a lot.

Number 1--Amazing Grace, Chris Tomlin. What? Not the original? Words by John Newton, tune by Virginia Harmony. As much as I love the traditional, when Tomlin or congregations sing "My chains are gone/I've been set free," well, I get all lumpy in the throat. It may be new, but it's the best.

There you have it. The Top Ten songs of all time. And if you don't agree, then you're mistaken. Just kidding. Make your own list; it's harder than you think.

SECONDHAND OR BACKHAND

We watch The American Idol. We actually started watching the Junior American Idol or whatever that show was called when Jordan McCoy from MTV made it to the top 10. Then we started watching the year Clay Aitken was on, I guess.

Tuesday night we missed it because of a going away dinner for an MTV bud and is wife who are snowbirds. But listening to KLOV the next day, I heard a comment from Paula Abdul that went something like this.

"Oh, David (Archuletta), you are so talented and cute, I'd like to squeeze you and squish you until your head popped off. Then I'd get a string and dangle you from the rearview mirror of my car."

Talk about a backhanded compliment. My goodness, I'd say Paula has gone just a little goofy.

The DJ on KLOV couldn't relate. A caller said, she simply meant that like a bobble head doll, he had become something valuable, something keep-worthy, sorta like things that in another era, people hung from their rearview mirror.

"Like fuzzy dice? she responded.

"Exactly," the caller answered.

"So that's what Archuletta is to Paula? Fuzzy dice."

It's gonna be a strange year on The Idol. Maybe even strange enough that Paula will disagree with Randy. Just once.

Naugh.

CRAZY PEOPLE ARE WATCHING, TOO

So what am I doing blogging on Oscar night? Well, I guess I'm not all that excited about spending a few hours watching celebs play dress up and thank people I've never heard of. About movies I've never seen. About stars and hosts political leanings.

I remember when we actually looked forward to watching to see who would win Best Actor, Best Actress (I guess that shows my age; I mean women are now called actors, too, aren't they?) Best supporting Actor/Actress always was one of my favorites, being the team player I am. You'd have to stay up very late on the East Coast to find out which movie won, but it seemed worth it back when.

So why was it the least watched Oscar Show ever? Ok, I confess--I started this entry on Oscar night, but didn't finish it till three days later. Maybe people have the same distaste for HollowWood that I have. It used to be glamor. Now the actors work up a need for a shave after three days' growth and the actresses don't even appear to have clean hair. Cameron Diaz? What was up with that 'do? And who's Jon Stewart anyway(s)? I know, I really do, but his political left humor is just not funny to me.

While standing in a checkout line at a grocery store called Sprouts, I noticed Oprah's O Magazine on display. Amazing that she is on the cover of every O Magazine, for what 3 years now? Prediction--she'll change that come November when her guy B.O.--Barak Obama gets the nod. Get it: it's still O. It's just Obama and not Oprah. I guess she wasn't at the Oscars, but I have to give her credit for her outstanding performance in The Color Purple. I don't know why she isn't in more movies. She is that good.

And that's what I want in movies--good acting. Along with good writing. Along with nobody cares about your political beliefs. Along with a good tub of buttered popcorn. Then, just maybe, Oscar can be Oscar again.

I'LL TRY TO KEEP CHICAGO OUT OF IT

My homestate is Illinois. Although I always thought of myself more from being from Missouri. We lived 75 miles from St. Louis so all our news stations were St. Louis based on Channels 2, 4, and 5. Our sports teams were the Hawks, Cardinals, Cardinals/Rams. Only our high school and college teams were from Illinois.

So, with Chicago lying 375 miles to the north and having no relatives from that end of the state, it might as well have been LA or New York to me. My only connection was WLS and Dick Biondi at 89.0 AM. And I could only get reception at night, oddly when KXOK, St Louis at 63.0 AM went all staticy on me.

So while Chicago was a non-issue for me, I'd have to rate my number one disappointment in my state (please omit politicos like Daly, Ryan, Walker, Carol Mostly Braun, not brains), as the University of Ilinois' decision to retire the Chief. What a PC boneheaded move!

I've written before about this topic, but it still disappoints me. If any Native American group can criticize the Chief and cause no uproar over the Wahoo emblem of the Cleveland Indians or the "savage" Atlanta Brave, complete with a borrowed tomahawk chop from Florida State, well, it simply boggles the mind.

The Chief is gone, eradicated by mis-thinking (read: dumbness). But I miss him. It was the one example of pride for the Native People. And if you don't agree, then you never attended a U of I athletic contest.