BUT IT'S ALL IN THE DEFINITION

"It depends on what the meaning of 'is, is'." Bill Clinton, responding to a question during his impeachment hearing.

What is the meaning of simple? Easy or naive? In a way, they're the same. Snoop and Woodstock seem to have re-discovered one. Jumping in a pile of leaves. Or just jumping. Have you tried to jump lately? It's not simple for me anymore.

I loved jumping. Far too many times, according to my parents, would I go through our house jumping to try to touch the top of doorways. When I succeeded I usually left a smudge on the paint. Sometimes either I jumped higher or outgrew the clean up, because you could see fingertip marks on top of the previous fingertip marks. I guess it was my way of jumping on the bed. Which I knew better.

I loved to time my jump and grab a rebound from a taller player. Hot dog that I was, I would unnecessarily smack the ball into my hands, punctuating the feat. But having never touched a regulation height rim, I suppose it was more of my timing and position than my vertical leap. But sometimes if you think you can do something, then you can.

I knew I was a lousy high jumper. If I couldn't land on my feet, then I couldn't make the jump. Not like my father who pole vaulted into sawdust pits. And hurdles, even the low ones were out of the question. I couldn't time those, and besides, I was so slow that the other runners could knock down a few, get up and still beat me, even I cleared all the hurdles.

But my jumping today is limited to the swimming pool, cannonball style. Oh, I'll try to leap once in awhile just for the memory. But don't try to measure my vertical anymore. If you do, you won't need anything more than a ruler, so don't bother with the tape measure.

DEAL OR DEAL

Do you give money to those in need? You know, when you see them begging, pan handling, holding up a sign?

I've heard lots of different views from lots of different people. Some rationalize, some ignore, some get upset, and thankfully some give.

Why do I fall into the last category? Well, it's certainly not because I'm better than the others. It's just that I don't want to judge. Because you just never know someone else's condition, someone else's heart.

I don't give to all: I don't give a lot. But we're told in scripture that what we do for the least, we do for Christ. I love pleasing Him. After all, I must disappoint Him in so many other ways, that's it relatively painless to fork out a few dollars now and then. And, it makes me feel better, too.

We also buy McDonald's coupons to give out in five dollar increments. Again, it's easy. It may just be helpful. We have so much. I'm all for giving a person a hand up. A helping hand. A bail out. No to the last.

Bail outs are entirely different to me. That's rewarding incompetence. That's forgiving greed or mismanagement or bad decisions. What's the diff? Lots. Most of the bailout decisions were made from a position of prominence or security. Speculation based on earning to pad deep pockets.

For those holding the signs, their decisions are often based on need, based on desperation, made from empty pockets. Sure some, in fact, probably most also made some terrible choices. But they weren't made from a mountain top.

Once I give, it's up to God and the receiver what is done with the money. And if that person makes another bad decision, well, maybe that will be the last bad decision as he learns from it.

Maybe not. But I tried.

A TICKLISH SITUATION

What makes two in the picture stand back and approve of the one getting tickled? Are they enjoying the fun of seeing the tickled get tickled? Or, are they enjoying the fact that it is not they who are getting tickled? There's a small line separating the two.

It's a lot like watching something bad happen to someone we have no affinity for. A football player getting hit hard. As long as we know there's no permanent damage. As long as it's not going to jeopardize our team. Then we can stand back, too. And enjoy.

Oh, there he goes again. No, just stop and think. How many times do we watch a replay of a vicious hit? Slow motion, reverse angle replays? We listen to the announcers, "That was a terrible hit. Uncalled for. Let's watch it again." And again and again.

When St. Louis Cardinal, Rick Ankiel made a catch at the wall, and his momentum carried him full throttle, flush into the left field wall in a game this week, it bent the bill of his cap like cardboard. It left an accordian-type crease. It was a terrible collision.

Not only was it shown and shown again, there's even a term for that kind of wall-meets-face direct hit. A facial. Yep, Rick got a left field wall facial. Thankfully he was released from the hospital after an overnight stay.

But again. While no one was laughing at the ballpark, you can bet that once it was clear that he was ok, read no fractures, no nerve damage, that people enjoyed watching it. While I haven't seen his hat for sale on ebay, I'm sure it would bring three figures.

That's the way we are. Was the hit horrific as I heard one announcer call it, or are we?

A LITTLE ACCOUNTING IS IN ORDER

So where did it go? And do we get it back? And what about the 1.5 billion request to Congress to combat the overhyped swine flu? And GM is next to file bankruptcy?

Oh, yeah, what an economic turn around! We're certainly on the right track now. We voted for change. That's about all we have left. Ain't we smart?

Had Chrysler kept making cars like the one pictured, they never would have been in financial straits. Now, that car is a beauty. Made by auto workers who prided themselves in their jobs. Or, at least I like to think so.

I know workers in other industries who took pride in whatever they were doing. But that was possibly due to no unions squawking about how bad their lives were.

But back to the economy. Now, Lehman Bros want 1.7 billion or so because they didn't get bailed out like AIG. Sadly, they'll probably get it, too. Where does it all end?

And while I'm belly aching, how about this little side bar? According to, well, you wouldn't know him anyhow, a friend, Mr. and Mrs. Obama have not been to church in his first 100 days. Including Easter. He did say the US wasn't a Christian nation. I guess he's out to prove it.

NAME: THOREAU BRED

That's it: Thoreau Bred. That's the name I selected for my Kentucky Derby horse.

You see I taught or went to school for, well, a long time. Much of it spent in an English classroom. I taught Henry David Thoreau's Walden for several seasons. I like puns, I confess. So it was a natural.

I rejected Teacher's Pet as too mundane. Ride Sally Ride, for the same reason. What's in a Name was a distant second. Leedio Cabutti, the name of an old high school basketball coach, was never really in the game (another pun), but one with serious coolness.

Also on the drawing board was Hang Up and Drive, rather like Mr. Troutt's Hold Me Back, something I often say, and though it's one of my most used, it's not one of my favorites.

I even toyed with Amazing G Race and Our God Reins, but I''m not at all into anything bordering on sacreligious.

So it was back to puns. For past champions--Not So Big Brown. Or Sea Battle Slew. Even Traffic Tic for Citation. But I didn't like those either.

So Thoreau Bred, it is. Now if I could just find a horse for what Saturday's winner paid. And, of course, parley that into a Derby champion.

NAME THAT HORSE

Former high school and college friend, Kenny Troutt, co-owned three horses in Saturday's Kentucky Derby. Hold Me Back, Advice, and Mr. Hot Stuff. None fared all that well, but hey, as the Cubs say eternally, "wait till next year".

Actually his horses finished 12th, 13th, and 15th. Fairly close to the finish, Hold Me Back was in fourth but faded or was bunched out. Bunched out? Well, I know next to nothing about horse racing. I don't know how they can all be that close to each other without colliding. I guess that's why they pay the jockeys big bucks.

An announcer made the comment that Hold Me Back was named by Kenny because that was one of his favorite expressions. It made me wonder what I'd name a horse if I had one. I'll use the same format that they use at the Derby-- 18 letters at most. I'm not sure if that counts spaces between words or not. I know one of the horses was named Pioneerof something or other but there was no space due to the strict requirement. So my rule, use 18 letters and as many spaces as you need.

My horse would be called____________. Well, you'll just have to wait until I come up with that name. Naming is important you know, but I'll decide on one soon. And report back.

WHAT'S BLOOMING IN THE DESERT?

Well, just about everything. As I've written before, a lot of snowbirds miss out because they leave too soon. Actually, they arrive too soon because our Januarys are not all that nice usually.

This year it was great weather with some precip. Which allowed for splendid color this Spring. It helped that we had a drying out of weather in March and April and now the valley is green and colorful. The cactus flowers on the ends or tops of the saguaros are just now coming out. They're the prettiest of all.

Now, picture a Dale Chihuly glass exhibit stuck right in the middle of the Desert Botanical Garden and you have what is pictured above. Surrealistic explosions of colors magnified by the sun. On a partly sunny day, what sun there is intensifies certain colors while kind of shadowing or keeping other parts somewhat hidden or at least deflected from view. What I mean is on one elongated piece of glass which appears red, the color orange may come out heightening the effect and changing your initial impression.

The Garden is worth the price of admission even in non-blooming times, but enhanced by Chihuly, it's something not to be missed.