ONE THING WORSE

Than a dive like this is an MRI. Oh, I know, lots of people are able to handle both. Not I.

I have taken more needles out of my upper chest after dives that were less than stellar than I care to admit. As I aged, I decided it was safer to go feet first. But my best dive in history never even looked like the feller in this picture.

When my barking left leg refused to cooperate with exercise and heat, I found myself at an imaging center to get an MRI. I had been warned that it would not be fun.

When I looked at the machine, I flinched. When they put head phones on me and sent me in head first, I recoiled. I tried it with eyes closed and ear plugs in instead of bulky head phones. I was told it would take 30 minutes.

I started praying. At 3 minutes and 30 seconds, I was doing fine as the technician inquired. The loud sounds and bangs were not pleasant but I was doing ok. At 10 minutes, I had fallen asleep, and when asked how I was doing, I opened my eyes. Within one or two inches of my nose was the top of the capsule or tube I was in. Whoa. I couldn't pray hard enough or squeeze my eyes shut hard enough. I thought I was going to throw up. I squeezed the ball indicating I could take no more.

What a baby! But after 11 minutes and 28 seconds, I was toast. No successful MRI for me. I left with my tail tucking. Whatever that means. I was embarrassed. I had failed badly.

Nurse friend Lois Peach hooked me up with an MRI place where you quasi-stand or sit in big high chair (fitting for me) with head exposed to the open air. I'm scheduled for a Monday picture shoot. Wish me luck.

If I pull this one off, I may just go off the high dive. Naugh.

FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

Pictured to the left are two uniforms of the Carbuilders, MTV's professional baseball team from the early '50's, I believe. A farm club of the St. Louis Cardinals, this Class D franchise played at a field where East Side Lumber currently is located. They were named after MTV's biggest industry at the time the Car Shops which constructed train cars, not automobiles as some have thought. My father-in-law worked there.

And that's about all the facts I have. They were before my time, but I heard people talk about them. Jimmy McLaughlin was the star player, but as I understand it he never got a whiff of the major leagues. I think he was a politician later on. Where MTV's Ray Blades fit in, I don't know. A former Cardinal himself and former St. Louis manager just might have had nothing to do with the Carbuilders. Although he lived close to me one time, he had nothing to do with me when he'd show up at our Little League games. Everybody knew him, of course, but as players we acted normal. I don't know if he was a scout then or not. He never approached me after I had had a pretty good pitching performance once when he was there. So that in itself showed he knew talent when it wasn't there.

I guess had MTV gotten the minor league team that Marion got (the Miners), they would have been known as the Tire Builders, again named after the biggest industry. Or maybe the Fast Food Eateries.

SQUIRT AND ONE POISON PUP

That was lunch when I was in junior college. It was balanced if I held the Squirt in one hand and the hot dog in the other.

And I thought it time for another commercial on my blog. I mean if the Super Bowl advertisers pony up big bucks for a thirty-second slot, what's a plug from On The QT worth? We're talking cyberspace here. And for literally ever. Oh well.

Some of my other lunches include cafeteria school lunches, mom's home cooked--the best, A&W Root Beer burger and fries, Sailor's tenderloin and fries, some little spaghetti place at SIU, McDonald's, ham and cheese sandwiches with chips or pretzels (a staple for many moons at MTV High), p/b and j, and pizza. Usually there was a fruit cup, a twinkie, a couple of cookies to round me out and to round out my lunch. Washed down by a Diet Coke or Mountain Dew.

These days my lunch is likely to be a salad with ham or cube steak on top or chik filet or Wendy's. Golf course brats aren't bad either. My wife likes these girlie places like Paradise Bakery, but I can usually beg out of those. One, Madeline's, closed because it was just too girlie, and that helped. Walnut chicken sandwiches with lots of gooey paste or sauce that tastes like sweet wine--that's what I mean by girlie food. A good piece of meat needs nothing more than some garlic salt.

Anyway(s) that's my thoughts on lunch. I wonder if my stomach could handle one of Jim Parson's poison pups these days. I doubt it.

SEA TURTLES AND EASTER EGGS

AND SALMONELLA, I guess I should have added. When I was younger so much younger than today as The Beatles once sang, we played with little turtles that we bought at Ben Franklin or Murphy's or Smith's Aquarium. We'd put them in a box of some kind, toss in some sand and grass, and pull them out once in awhile to have races or just watch them. They didn't do much, they never lived long, and no one back then told us not to handle them.

Same with Easter eggs dyed with the Paas coloring and stick on labels of the cross or bunnies or flowers. Our moms would dye up about a dozen and we'd hide them outside for over a week. It seemed like so much fun to find them again. Sometimes we'd get diverted and leave them outside overnight, but most of the eggs managed to get back into our baskets and be taken to the house until further egg hunts commenced. When one would get cracked, we saw no problem--we'd just eat it. And some of those babies lasted a couple of weeks anyway.

Why we didn't get some form of salmonella or food poisoning I'll never know. Bob Kent told me it was because we had built up a tolerance to bacteria back then, so our little stomachs didn't know any better. Bob still farms in the Midwest, and he knows about stuff like that. I guess the same principle applied to the turtles, though I never asked him about that.

Some other friends of mine from Summersville got hold of some water purifying tablets and used to add them to creek water and drink it. They didn't get sick either. And I thought Rend Lake water was bad. Wait a minute it is. I wonder where you get some of those tablets.

"WARRIORS AND SPURS AND BEARS, OH MY!"

Well, at least two out of three. Was it just me or did Steve Nash with bloodied nose look just like the Scarecrow from Oz? Boy, did that honker bleed!

Even after six stitches, Steve probably left some red fluid on his pillowcase last night. He is one tough Canadian. And he must have a hard nose to knock Tony Parker down when they hit. It looked like Tony got the brunt of the hit, but unfortunately it was Number 13. Not that I wanted Parker to get hurt. I thought it was cool that Steve asked Tony if he was okay after Nash was bleeding and on the bench. It was a great game with bad results and, yes bad officiating, but the Spurs brung it and deserved the win.

And this was only Game One! NBA fans could be in for a very good series. But only if the Suns win Game Two. They would never recover from an 0-2 deficit. Not against a team that knows how to win like the Spurs. Maybe the Scarecrow was right. It is dangerous out there.

WAIT TILL NEXT SEASON OR THESE REDBIRDS ARE TOAST

With the news that St. Louis Cardinal ace pitcher Chris Carpenter is to undergo surgery to repair elbow damage and will be on the shelf for 3 months minimum, I have officially given up on the 2007 season. In early May. I guess I know what it feels like to be a Cub fan. Year after year.

No one repeats as World Series champs. I knew that before April 1. But I had hoped for the playoffs. Even though the Cardinals couldn't get any pitcher to sign a free agent contract. Well Kip Wells. Who's 1-6. But no one else.

They couldn't get additional outfield help. Gonzo left AZ for LA instead. The only major addition was former Cards 2nd baseman, Adam Kennedy. Who's hitting .215. In a partial platoon situation.

With the tragic death of Josh Hancock, the karma seems very bad. Edmonds and Rolen seem to be getting old in a hurry. The magic has gone.

Unless the Cardinals can get some of those Wonderboy bats from The Natural. But I'm afraid this team might break them all in batting practice. Oh, I'll still hold out hope. But it's a facade. I'm about to become a Brewers fan. Or anyone who can beat the Cubs.